Challenge anyone?
by XimitationXgoth
Summary: Series of short stories about the D. Gray Man gang -Lavi, Lenalee, Komui, Allen, Road, Tyki, Yu, and the rest requested- by readers like you. Read. Review. Request.
1. Challenge

Challenge Anyone?

Hello D. Gray Man and Naruto Fans,

I'm writing to you out of character, because I think I've finally have gotten to the point that I want a challenge. I've seen these sorts of things before, as I'm sure you have as well. The salt of the business would be for you to provide which fandom, pairings, plots, settings, words you want me to write about and I will do so in a week.

One per person.

If you don't like what I wrote and think it's complete crap, within reason I will rewrite it until you absolutely love it. I know that all of my fanfics are crack fics, but trust me, any genre you chose would be fine with me.

So, what do you say?

Are you willing to challenge me?

Love,

ImitationXgoth

P.S. You can either e-mail your requests to or use the convenient messaging system provided by


	2. Behind Gray Eyes

Title: Behind Gray Eyes

Genre: Angst

Rating: T

Summary: Oh Christ, I'm writing angst. Hold on tight to your chairs. Pretty much, Allen is being a lot emo because he's no longer trusted by the Black Order. Brief mention of Mana?

Requested by:Akky-chan

* * *

It rained. It often rained here because the clouds were always overcast and brooding. For good guys, the Black Order sure had a perverted sense of goodness or that of evil for that matter. When he had time to listen, to hear stories, the villains were always up on the top of some mountain in a gloomy castle where it always rained. Allen sniffed, but couldn't smell the sweet overwhelming aroma of the rain. The windows were shut too tightly, warding off the outside world. Could it be that they were not the good guys after all?

His shoulders slumped and he curled up on the windowsill. Despite the fact that there were thousands of people in the castle, silence reigned unchallenged. And that was fine, because silence was soft and comforting when one was alone. Strange how quickly it changed when a second person came in. Then, silence is sharp. Then, it hurts.

The rain hits evenly against the glass and then the drops slide down and disappear into the abyss below. Dimly, the boy wondered how long it took to reach a bottomless chasm. Then again, unlike him, the raindrops had eternity staring in their face. He shuddered. Much like silence, eternity is two faced. It was wonderful to know that nothing mattered in the long run, though it did mean that he too was insignificant, despite being told that he could decide the fate of the world.

In his hands rested the weight of the heavens above and he was supposed to stand like a Titan, motionless. And yet, eternity had a different significance to him. For all eternity he promised to protect with one hand the Akuma and with the other the humans.

But what…

But what was he supposed to do when the humans refused to be protected?

When they no longer looked upon him as a friend?

And if not friend, who was he then?

An enemy.

Allen bit his lip and the rain continued to shower the castle evenly. He shouldn't think this way, although the cuts of the sharp silence were still fresh in his memory. Lavii's eyes strayed to the wall and the grin went sour long before its time. Lenalee examined the floor too closely. This had to be the end. But end of what?

"Oh, Mana," the boy mumbled and closed his eyes, burying his face in his hands.

Oh Mana, Mana, you always told him to keep walking. He already circled the globe with your words ringing in his ear and still he finds no peace. Hope dies last, but it dies nastily. But you didn't teach him that, now did you?

The curse you laid upon his head that was your final lesson for him. Yet, only now are you unfolding your curriculum, teaching from beyond the grave. And silence between friends of past cuts deeper than a charmed sword. Its accuracy is deadly, severing the cherished ties without mercy. Perhaps you meant to teach him this, that life is short and never stable. Like sea, it moves, fills and retreats. Like sea, it betrays and tricks.

The boy didn't move for a long time. His gray eyes stared outside into the thicket of the storming clouds. They reflected the swirling forms. The few words others spared him rung in his ears along with Mana's life lesson. "We still trust you, Allen," they said, but their eyes lied.

Lied.

They must have taken him for a fool for him not to notice the insincerity. It was so obvious. Everything was obvious these days. Suddenly, the curtain of gray lifted and the black and white painted the entire world. Those colors spread like an infestation. Frankly, not too long ago he was glad of these colors. They were familiar and warm, but the sea is ever moving.

His door moves slightly. Suddenly the silence changes. Allen doesn't look because he already knows where this is going. "Allen-kun, you're missing the supper. Aren't you hungry?" Lenalee asks him gently, her hand grasping the door knob desperately. She's breathless. She must have been running.

"I'll be there in a second," the boy responds. Still, he doesn't look to see the girl's short hair all messy and her chest heaving. He doesn't see the worry, the confusion, the longing to return to the past. Allen knows that she no longer sees him as an innocent kid. There is a sinister shadow cast over his Innocence. But whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?

She leaves, but doesn't close the door. Allen hears the footsteps retreating. They're slow and unsure. Perhaps now Lenalee is debating whether she should go back and make sure that her fellow Exorcist goes down the stairs. But she thinks against it and soon her footsteps fade into the oblivion.

Allen blinks and looks down. The raindrops have an eternity. And he? He has few second. In the end, maybe it's better to pick eternity. Mana did tell him to keep walking, right? He had seen everything. He had stepped on every road except… except the road to eternity.

So, what do you say, Mana? Are we up for one last trip?


	3. There's no place like the Future

Title: There's No Place like the Future

Genre: Horror/Parady/Crack

Rating: M for foul language and graphic scenes

Summary: Allen and Kanda were losing in their battle against Road. And since they were being such sticks in the mud, the girl decided to have some fun and tossed them into the future. Brief mention of yaoi and insurances. Yullen pairing.

Requested by:Scarlett Rhapsody

* * *

Road laughed cruelly, her girlish voice resonating within the Cathedral, amplifying the hopelessness of Allen's and Kanda's situation. The silver-haired Exorcist was bleeding profusely, his leather uniform soaked in thickening red. It was becoming unpleasantly sticky. He chewed on his lip as his hand was aimed at the Noah girl like a gun. "Fucking Christ," thought Kanda, himself leaning on his sword. One of his eyes was swollen and closing up. A rock from the ceiling of the old cathedral smacked him right on the side of his head while he was doing one of his complicated maneuvers. His arm was bleeding as well where the sharpened candle met the soft skin and meat. "This is the end," he mumbled, watching Allen fire a desperate shot. It missed the laughing girl, only destroying the statue of Mother Mary. Her infinitely sad face crumbled and fell on the floor in pieces.

With one wide eye, suddenly Kanda couldn't see Allen anymore. He disappeared somewhere. Kanda coughed, blood sprouting from the depth of his throat. In his bend over position, from the corner of the eye, Yu spotted Allen collapsed on the floor. Damn. It wasn't supposed to be like this. This was supposed to be an easy mission: kill some Akuma and then go home. But now Allen was cold out from exhaustion and blood loss and he, Yu Kanda, could barely move to even protect the other's unconscious body.

"Aw, I thought you'd play longer. This was hardly any fun," Road mocked, squinting in pleasure. Kanda slowly began walking towards Allen. He leaned heavily on the sword and it scratched the floor, making unbearable sound. "It's not over yet. The future is sure to show your defeat. All Noah will die. And earl will lose!" Kanda burst out, his eyes sparkling hellishly. He coughed again and blood showered the floor. The girl laughed. "Damn it, Allen. You promised to play strip poker with me when we get back. And I don't want to see you stripped anymore if you're all bloody," Yu Kanda hissed, finally himself collapsing by Allen. His bleeding arm reached out to brush few reddened fingers against the other's cheek. "Guess that's the end. I'm so sorry." And he closed his eyes.

"You're boring. But your short lived outburst gave me something of an idea." She giggled, but her audience did not respond. Her grin darkened, becoming quite malicious. "See you later, Allen-kun," Road spoke in a sing song tone before suddenly a door appeared under Allen and Kanda. "Bye-bye, samurai." She waved her hand, saying her last good byes and then the door opened. Like puppets with cut strings, the two young men tumbled down, abyss being their shining future. All that Kanda heard was a mad laugh of a deranged girl before the door overhead closed.

* * *

The darkness was pleasant and warm. It spilled in his head, rocking him between fantasy land and cold reality. Back and forth he went, each time the change more extreme and there wasn't a thing that he could do. But suddenly, within the darkness came a voice.

"Can I take a picture of you?" Kanda didn't understand. Where was it coming from? Who was it and why did this mysterious voice ask such a strange question?

"Hey, dickhead, I asked you a fucking question. Can I taking a picture of you?" the voice was persistent and then, a boot joined the conversation. It hit right at Kanda's rib, but there was no sharp pain. Yu was bloody sure that he broke at least one rib. Even with his healing powers it couldn't have repaired itself that fast. Gathering just enough strength to lift his eye lids, the young man focused on something that made hair on the back of his neck stand. Before him stood the Millennium Earl, some sort of god-awfully weird device in his hand. It was pointing right at Kanda.

"Oh, finally, you woke up. Now, do I have to ask you the third time?" the Millennium Earl demanded. Strange, Kanda expected the Akuma-maker to have a much deeper voice and maybe have a real sword instead of a cardboard cutout.

"Millennium Earl?" Kanda could hardly recognize his voice. It was coarse and raspy. The giant man straightened up, grinning arrogantly.

"My costume is pretty kick ass," Millennium Earl said. Costume? Costume?! Kanda raised his head from the soft grass, staring at the speaker. He didn't understand a damn thing, but the more he looked at the Earl, the less familiar he seemed.

"What do you mean… a costume?"

"Dude, you're at ACEN. You know, biggest Midwestern Anime Convention?" the Millennium Earl squeaked, before his voice crashed down in prepubescent crack.

"ACEN… anime… convention?" He couldn't make ends of it meet. And then, suddenly, Kanda registered the strange noises and the people. They were every where! The sounds were deafening. His head moved from side to side. Oh lord. Oh fucking Christ! He glanced up only to see a metal bird cut through the sky.

"Akuma! We're surrounded by Akuma!" Kanda screamed, jumping to his feet. Blood rushed down and he swayed with dizziness.

But there was no pain. He moved his arm without wincing and his legs no longer buckled under his weight. Kanda looked around, eyes falling on the still unconscious Allen. The noises were maddening. The screeching of tires and the whoosh of air overhead from the plane. They were so unfamiliar, so distant from what Yu was used to, that his head felt heavy and brimming with thoughts. And yet he was sure that they were the sinister demon creatures. The Earl seemed to have lost all interest in him, by then, because after cussing his ass off, the Akuma-maker turned around and ran off after some strange looking man in a short skirt. "Sailor Moon, can I take a picture of you seeeer?" the Millennium Earl screamed as he ran. Kanda threw up a little inside his mouth.

This had to be some sort of a sick dimension. He turned to sleeping Allen, eyes falling on the peaceful face. Didn't he sense the danger? Yu shook the boy's shoulders, but Allen refused to wake up. He mumbled obscenities but his eyes remained closed. Kanda shook him harder, so hard that the strange people around them stopped one by one and watched his act of rage and violence.

"Get off meeee. I wannaaaa sleeeep," Allen whimpered, while Kanda was shaking the boy so hard that his white head was about to fall off those shoulders. "There are Akuma here. Get up, you lazy bean sprout. We have to kill them!"

At the mention of the demons, Allen made a miraculous recovery and was up on his feet in no time. The crowd's eyes grew collectively wide when all of a sudden, the boy's arm turned into a claw and like a mad man, screaming, he ran after a driving by SUV. "Stop, fiend! I will protect the humans you ate," Allen threatened the car. His claw dug into the bumper and he began pulling. A horrible sound of screeching tires and the smell of burning rubber filled the air. The crowd was motionless, but luckily, Kanda was not. Within moments, he was on top of the 'Akuma', his sword slicing through the top. The family of four was screaming their heads off.

"George, George, step on the gas. These people are crazy. Oh my god, what is he doing to our Earth Destroyer?"

But George was too late, because Kanda already opened the car like a can of sardines and was pulling out little Suzie and throwing her out onto the side street. Their very confused son ( quite enjoying the man handling) was next to follow. "I can't hold on for much longer, Kanda. Hurry up," Allen puffed. The yelping mother landed on her large ass next to her very confused son and her crying daughter. George was last and he refused to leave his destroyed car. While Kanda held on to his legs, the man kept a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel.

By this time, the crowd began to cheer. "This is the best expo show ever."

"Quick, someone get a camera. We HAVE to put this on youtube!"

"Yeah, fight these polluting pigs. Al Gore all the way!"

But Allen and Kanda were not paying attention to the crowd. They were too busy saving George from his own car. Finally, the man let go of the steering wheel and ended up on the side walk, his face growing redder and redder until it resembled a big round tomato.

Allen ripped off the bumper as soon as Kanda jumped off the roof. The car, maddened with freedom, surge forward. Confused, Allen watched their opponent not come back and face them but instead stop after a few seconds, kissing a lamppost. "You.. you…you destroyed my CAR!" George roared. "Now my favorite kid won't be able to go to college because my insurance doesn't cover TWO anime characters with freaky powers attacking my car because they thought it was some sort of a demon," the man continued to rage before collapsing out of sheer exhaustion and exasperation. The other three members of the family cried hysterically. The crowd cheered.

They encircled the confused exorcists. And then, like a giant mob, they began migrating towards McDonalds. Of course, neither Yu nor his little friend knew what the hell was going on. The streets were full of Akuma and yet, no one was running in terror. And why were they cheering? Where were they going?

And then, Kanda and Allen spotted a big red flag with an arc. "This must be some sort of a national head quarters. Why else would they have their own flag?" Kanda mused as the mob literally pushed them inside. Oh, but he was wrong. This was no national headquarter. This was some god-awfully strange restaurant. The crowd sat them down and then charged the counter. Within moments all sort of strange and badly smelling food was in front of them. While Kanda hesitated, Allen dug in. And boy, did he dig in!

Within moments, half of the strange flat sandwiches with oozing cheese went down the white-haired boy's throat and the deformed potatoes soon followed. Kanda watched with horror as Allen began to grow bigger and bigger, rolls of fat appearing out of nowhere. A third chin? The crowd cheered with sick satisfaction watching the scene before them. And then, now obese Allen turned to Kanda. He licked his greasy lips, smacking them with satisfaction. And as he moved, the rolls of fat jiggled madly. "Now how about a kiss, hm?"

Kanda blacked out from sheer horror.

* * *

When he came to, he realized that he was screaming his head off. It took him a moment to realize that he no longer was in a strange restaurant and the crowd was gone. Instead, the man was in Allen's room, as always, with the moon peacefully shining in the window. He took a deep breath as he felt something stir close by. Allen lifted his head off the pillow, sleepily rubbing his eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, yawning sweetly.

"I just had the worst dream ever," said the samurai, breathing heavily. "Road threw us into the future and there was Millennium Earl with a cardboard sword. Men wore short skirts and people were actually chasing them down. Insurances covered only one anime character with freaky powers attacking a car because they thought it was some sort of a demon. There were restaurants with their own flags and mutant food. And…. and…. and worst of all, YOU were FAT!" Yu burst out. Allen hit him in the shoulder. "I told you, I'll start eating less. Sheesh, what a drama queen. And that dream is all nonsense. There's no way restaurants would have mutant not FDA approved food," Allen mumbled and rested his head back on the pillow. But Kanda was not convinced.

He laid back down but didn't fall asleep, especially when's Allen's hand strayed away from his side of the bed. "How about a good night kiss?" And the rolls jiggled.

The End?


	4. The Showdown

Title: The Showdown

Genre: Humor

Rating: T

Summary: Road's grade report is in the mail. And guess who picks it up? Tyki Mikk! The poor sucker tries a hnd at parent, but as we all know, there is no winning when it comes to dealing with teenagers.

Requested by: Orohippus ( Thanks for asking for Noah family. Love 'em)

* * *

There was hell to pay in the Noah realm when the mailman came that afternoon. A generally good-spirited Tyki Mikk happened to be the one to pick up the mail that day. While everyone else busied themselves with their own little activities, Tyki proved to be the gentleman and did everyone a great service. Sorting through the mail, the man stumbled upon Road's grade report. And that was exactly what brought all the trouble into this home.

He didn't bother to wait on Road and instead opened the envelope without a second thought. What he expected to be another reason for his incredibly good mood, turned into a massive disappointment. At first, Tyki supposed that his eye sight went bad because for reason he thought that Road's usual A's looked liked D's, F's, and C's. He had been wearing those awful glasses a lot recently. Maybe they messed up his eyes. But then, no matter at what distance he brought the paper to his nose, the letters didn't change. There were no A's in sight. So there went the DENIAL stage of his process of acceptance, but uncharacteristically skipping through a good chunk of other steps, Tyki went straight for the RAGE. And boy, did he go there fast.

Within moments, the man's tranquil features transformed to those rivaled only by Skin Boric's tantrums. His nostrils flared and eyes sparkled dangerously. All that was missing was the steam coming out of his ears. "ROOOOOAD!" the man roared, his voice great and terrible. The very walls shook and the door frames trembled. The foundation under Tyki's feet buckled. But it took awhile for one of the doors to timidly open and Road's girlishly grinning face to pop out.

"You called, Tyki? Need something?" innocently the girl asked. Yet, for all her guiltlessness, she wasn't about to fully come out of the room. If anything, the door could be a wonderful shield because ,frankly, Tyki has been having terrible anger issues lately and the hallway had a lot of throw-ambitious objects. The man, on the other end of other end of the hall, was breathing heavily. His chest heaved dramatically and his gloved hand crumbled Road's grade report. But as soon as the girl popped her head out, Tyki seemed to relax. Soon a very cold mask covered his face and he glared at her.

"Oh yes I do. And you do too. I think a long long loooong talk is in due order," said the man. "And don't even think of moving," he added coldly before Road had time to wave her hand to open a doorway under her feet and escape from what would surely be a very gritty and atrociously boring lecture. But alas she saw no way out. She was cornered by a rabid dog and ,to be honest, she didn't want to gamble with her life, not when Tyki was involved.

"Ugh, fine," giving up, Road sighed. She fully came out of her room, head hung in shame. Oh, this was too rich. Tyki folded arms across his chest, the crumbled paper still in hand, and he continued to glare at the delinquent. "Well, you got an explanation for this?" with great emphasis on 'this' the man spoke, nodding over to the hand that held the poor grade report.

The girl sniffed. If reasoning failed, there were always tears. Lots and lots of tears. "It's not my fault, Tyki. Earl was sending me on a lot of missions this quarter. I didn't have time to do my homework," Roan whined, her voice already full of tears. "What's more important, destroying the Earth or getting into some stupid college?" she continued to argue. And even though her face was full of sadness and tears were welling up in her eyes, in those same eyes was a light of mischief and it sparkled with no end.

Tyki tapped his foot, snorting. "Oh yes, the Earl has been working you to the bone. Who are you kidding? Half of those 'missions' you were on, were just excuses for you to meet up with that exorcist boy."

"He has a name and it's Allen," nastily Road snapped back, before realizing that she went off her assumed character. "I mean, it's not my fault that he happens to be where the Earl sends me." Tyki wasn't buying it, not by a long shot. He smiled pleasantly before sneering, nodding his head as though in understanding. "Oh yes, pure coincident," the man spoke, his lips pouting with understanding. "And the fact that even Jasdero and Devit have better grades than you, and they're brainless. They barely have on sound mind when they combine."

"They cheat," pouting Road said. "They always cheat and they're taking easier classes than me."

"And how would you explain your failing grade in gym?" Tyki asked, arching a brow. Oh, he was going to corner Road if that was the last thing he did on this earth.

Sheepishly the girl smiled. "Well, I haven't been exactly going to that class. I've been so busy with the missions and everything. You know?"

"Oh of course I do. Jasdero and Devit are dirty cheaters and you don't have time for both school AND homework."

Road nodded eagerly. "I knew you would understand, Tyki. You're the best," the girl was already in half jump half hug when Tyki's hand stopped her in her tracks.

He pushed her away before folding his arms again. "You're grounded, Road. No more boys until these grades improve. And that means, no more Allen Walker," Tyki spoke sternly. He was about to turn around and walk to his room when what Road said next under her breath stopped him in his tracks.

"Oh, I can say the same to you, Tyki-kun," nastily the girl hissed.

Tyki's eyes grew wide and he gapped for air like a fish before finding the right words. "Pardon me?" he asked, shocked by indignity.

"Yeah, you heard me. I know your little secret, Tyki. When are you going to come out of the closet? Waiting for Thanksgiving?" Road continued her counterattack with unforeseen nastiness.

"You're mad. I have no idea what you're talking about!" Tyki's eyes remained wide and a nervous twitch formed on his lower lip. Road was ruthless and she even laughed, stepping closer to the man.

"Oh please. If you didn't fancy ( she looked around to make sure they were alone before she whispered) boys, you would have never stripped that vampire guy. Oh, and what about the red head? I know Earl told you to kill Allen, but what's with chasing that piece of ass? You couldn't make it even more obvious even if you tried. Hell, even Boric knows about it and he's in diabetes induced coma half the time."

"What?" the man screamed out.

At this time another door opened and the mentioned Noah came out, licking a lollypop. He gave the other two a sideways glance before popping the candy out of his mouth. "Not touching that with a ten foot poll," the Noah giant said before either Road or Tyki could enlist him on their side. Tyki screamed out in frustration.

"I am not gay. Sure, I'm a bit flamboyant and I have a great sense of style, but I do not take it in the behind!" the man argued, pointing accusing finger at Road. The girl spread her arms out, shrugging. "Babe, denial is not pretty on ya," she told him with a devilish smile on her lips. Tyki huffed, glaring at Road with murderous intent.

"So what do you say? I get Fridays off to go on missions and this whole little misunderstand just vanishes into the think air." the girl proposed, poking Tyki in the chest. With wild eyes the man watched his opponent while the wheels in his head screeched from desperation. On one hand, he could take Road's offer, but then, everyone would think that he was gay, but if he didn't take the offer then Road would spread this nasty rumor. Ugh, there was no way out. Tense silence set into the hallway as their eyes locked in a duel, until suddenly, there was a thud.

Poor Boric collapsed on the floor. He was frothing at his mouth, twitching all over the place. "Yes," Tyki Mikk screamed joyously inside of his head, rushing to his fellow Noah's side. No doubt about it. Boric's diabetes was kicking in. Even Road seemed to have dropped all thoughts of blackmailing Tyki and focused them on slipping away.

The problem with the grade report was happily resolved, the girl thought as she watched Tyki, busy himself with undressing Boric to give him more breathing room. She giggled to herself and dropped into a self-made door. Tyki was in frenzy then, doing his best to ease the other Noah's attack. "Damn, they need to make insulin flavored candy. This is third attack this week!" But at least Road didn't mention the porn under Tyki's mattress.

All's well that ends well.


	5. Allergies

Title: Allergies

Rating: T

Genre: Fluuuuuuuf ( I'm secretly a fan, but I will never ever EVER admit it )

Summary: There was supposed to be a company picnic, but when Lavi and Allen arrive to the field, there's no one there. Bummer, eh? And then, there's this trouble with Allen's allergies... LavixAllen

Requested by: spader says hobey-ho

* * *

All right, so they were tricked by Lenalee and the Bookman. They said it was a company picnic that everyone was going to be there. Everyone. But when Allen and Lavi showed up, fashionably late, the whole field was empty, save for the picnic basket and a blanket all ready for someone to sit on. Now at first the two thought that they were early by some unexplainable miracle. But as the minutes ticked into a whole hour, that theory went out the window. They impatiently clicked their heels together and awkwardly smiled at each other. What the hell was going on? Then, Lavi came up with a brilliant idea that perhaps the picnic already ended and that they were late. Of course, that left a sad expression Allen's face and he sat down on the blanket for the first time.

"Aw, we missed it? But they did say it was supposed to start at 10. I mean, did they mean that it was 10 pm or am? And what about the basket," mournfully the boy mumbled, rubbing his nose. Needless to say, Allen was very upset. He actually looked forward to watching Yu Kanda eat something besides his usual Japanese concoctions. And, and, the Bookman said that he was going to sunbath. And if the Bookman was sunbathing then Lavi would have had to do it too because the old Panda always forced his apprentice to do everything with him. What a needy old man. But anyway, now all chances of seeing Lavi in a thong were out, although, at least he wouldn't be subjected to seeing the Bookman in a thong. Ugh. Allen shuddered, the suddenly sneezed.

"You cold?" Lavi asked, looking out for any possible exorcists. Yet, there was no sign of life. Only the field moved under the gentle hands of the wind, resembling a quiet sea of green. It smelled wonderful here, what with all the wild grasses and the field flowers. Lavi sighed contently, but to his surprise, Allen sneezed again.

"I don't think so. I'm actually kinda h-" but the youth didn't finish his sentence and instead produced a massive sneeze, the intensity of which threw him backwards on the blanket. His nose turned a delicate shade of pink and his eyes began to water. "I think…" with great effort Allen spoke. "My allergy to dandelions is acting up. Do you see them anywhere?" the white-haired exorcist asked, cupping a hand over his nose. Oh boy, another sneeze was about to rock his whole body again.

"An allergy, eh?" Lavi asked, a devilish smile spreading over his lips. A whole hour with nothing to do thoroughly bored the young man and now, a very interesting ooportunity presented itself. Could he pass it up? Oh no, Lavi was too much of an opportunist to let something this rich this entertaining to slide through his eager fingers. "Oh yeah, I see one," he said slowly. The boy bent over, plucking a perfect little yellow flower. It trembled in his hand as the wind passed by them once again.

"Although, I'm not sure if this is exactly the one that's making you sneeze," Lavi said. At once his eyes lit up with mischievous fire and going down on his knees on the blanket, the boy crawled closer over to the sneezing Allen. With a flower in one hand, he presented the dandelion for Allen's inspection, right under the other's nose. Horror spread like wild fire on the white-haired exorcist's face. He screamed, scrambling away as violent sneezes shook his whole frame.

"Lavi! Get that thing away from me. I'm gonna sn-"

The red head laughed, continuing his motion toward Allen. But the other youth had different plans. He wasn't about to be made a sneezing fool by that yellow flower. So, abandoning his dignity, Allen, screaming his head off, scrambled up and sprinted away from the blanket. Well, Lavi always liked a good chase. "Aaaallne, look how pretty it is. Don't you wanna smell it?" the red head edged the other on as he chased after him.

Through the sneezes, the screaming, and the wind, Allen ran like a madman. He could hear Lavi's voice behind him and the other's soft footfall. Each time Allen turned around, the number of flowers in Lavi's hands multiplied. Soon, there was a whole bouquet of cheerful yellow flowers, from which peaked the red head's grinning face. The other was having WAY too much fun. Didn't he understand how serious allergies where? "Aaaaaallen!" Lavi screamed. "Don't be such a baby."

Oh, but Allen had no intentions to be anything but a baby at this time. He turned around to glance at Lavi with absolute panic. And it just so happened, that out of nowhere, a rock just popped up in front of him. Allen did notice it from the corner of his eyes, but alas too late. The tip of his boot met the rock with open welcome and the rest of the fall followed without a hiccup. Lavi wasn't as lucky as Allen though. He didn't see the rock, nor did he notice in time to stop that his little prey was in process of rolling over his own head. Slamming full force into Allen's back, he added the kinetic force Allen needed to make a nice little roll, taking Lavi along for the ride.

The yellow flowers flew up in the air as the red head screamed something, which neither he nor Allen understood. But their moment of horror wasn't long. With a loud thud, Lavi landed first on the not so soft ground and a split second later, Allen followed, somehow ending up right on top of poor out of breath Bookman apprentice. The flowers sprinkled on top, covering the miserable sneezing Allen.

"Gotcha," weakly Lavi mumbled, the wind beaten out of his lungs.

"Oh my god, Lavi, are you all right? Can you breathe? Did you hurt anything?" worried Allen asked, eyes going wide. He was petrified. Lavi would never forgive him this… so much for actually seeing Lavi in a thong. Oh well, he could still dream though, right?

"Only my pride as a hunter."

Allen laughed but at once stopped when Lavi reached up and plucked a dandelion from the silver hair. With confused gray big eyes the youth watched the other's hand linger in his hair before finally pulling out the pesky yellow flower. Lavi smiled weakly, accidentally brushing his fingers against Allen's cheek. The youth blushed, diverting his eyes from those deep green orbs. The red head tossed the dandelion away but his eyes were glued on the boy still plastered on top of him.

"Don't be like that. You did catch me in the end, so, I say, you're a pretty damn good hunter," gingerly Allen spoke, slowly returning his eyes to meet Lavi's green gaze.

"Well, if you think that, then I must be the best of the best," the red head said, winking up. Allen blushed, now the delicate pink shade spreading not only on his nose but his cheeks as well.

"Let me get off and then we should probably go back to the Order. We probably did miss the picnic like you said," casting his eyes down, Allen said in a small voice. The youth was about to shift when he suddenly felt a hand resting on his lower back. Questioningly, he glanced up at Lavi.

"Why back to the Order? The weather is wonderful and why can't we have a picnic as well? What, they're not better than we are," the other said, though his eyes again lit up with mischievous fires. Allen smiled weakly. "But can I at least get off of you?"

"Not a chance."

And Lavi kissed his long-time crush, the very reason for his constant distractions, which annoyed the crap out of the Bookman. Allen's breath hitched and his heart stepped on the gas pedal, racing in his chest. These soft lips! He dreamed about them for months, his desire turning into a disease. And he kissed the red-head back, about whom he couldn't stop talking with Lenalee, with all the longing of those long lonely winter and spring months.

And the picnic? Well, who cared about that now? Guess missing everyone else wasn't such a tragedy after all, Allen decided in the end.


	6. Whatever Happened to Kanda?

Title: Whatever Happened to Kanda?

Rating: M

Genre: Eh... crack?

Summary: Lenalee, Kryory, and Lavi report to Komui about an ill-fated mission.

Requested by: Scarlett Rhapsody

* * *

"Okay, pretty much this is what happened," began Lenalee. Behind her, Kryory sniffed, rubbing his nose. Lavi eagerly paced the room and only Lenalee, the volunteered narrator sat calmly. Her brother, on the other hand, was sitting on pins and needles.

"We got to the town all right and finished the mission in a matter of two days. This really meant that we had extra money on our hands and Lavi, here, suggested that we go enjoy ourselves for one night. "

"I told him it was a bad idea," Kryory sniffed again and spoke, his voice dripping with misery and a bad hangover.

"Oh shush you, you were jumping to the roof with happiness when I said that," Lavi shot before he turned around to start another round of pacing. Of course by that time, Komui had half a mind to strangle Lavi on the spot, but the teen was too far away at the moment and there was more to the story than spending Order's money on silly-nilly teen parties.

"Anyway, so we all agreed to it since, we decided that we needed a bit of a break. Even Kanda said that he'd go along with the plan and you know how he usually is."

Lenalee was very throughout in her descriptions of the arrangements then. Kryory was sent out to get the booze, since he was the only one of them over the age of 21, or at least he was old enough to be able to buy beer anywhere. Lenalee was the one who bought the food in the local deli. Kanda talked with the manager of the inn to warn the poor hysterical woman that no matter what happened upstairs, she was not to call police or to even bother them. Everything would be fine, he assured the sighing troubled woman.

"And Lavi?" equally as worried and sweat drenched Komui asked. His voice cracked. Lenalee shot the red head a death glare. "Lavi got the hypnotist."

"He was supposed to get two hookers," Kryory began to explain Lenalee's and , frankly, his own disappointment. "But instead of some nice piece of action, we got a freaking clown," Lenalee added, glaring at Lavi even harder, if that was possible. The red head was sure his head was on fire by that time, but well, he stood his ground.

"Hey, hey, how was I supposed to know she wasn't a stripper? She looked the part," Lavi defended himself with all his might, but Lenalee was unforgiving.

"You were supposed to get a male hooker. MALE! She didn't even qualify on those bases, not to mention, she didn't even have stripper license," the girl raged without end. Komui was on the verge of a heart attack. Lenalee? His little innocent Lenalee in the presence of a muscular oiled hairless stripper? That was too much for his poor aching nerves. With a shaking hand, Komui reached out for the coffee cup.

"All right, so I messed up. I got a hypnotist instead of a stripper. I admit it. Happy now?" Lavi burst out and Lenalee only raised her chin haughtily.

"So, he dragged that clown up to the room. By that time, everything else was in place." She dove into a narrative, how the beer poured from the bottles into rivers of cheaply tasting alcohol and how Kryory dove into it without a second thought. She spared no adjectives on the deli plate she personally deliverer or how smashed they all were. Kanda was already taking off his jacket by the time Lavi arrived, swirling it in the air and screaming that he was ready to ride any cowboy to save horses. But it didn't take the red head too long to catch up to his teammates. Before long, all of them were bloody drunk and chanting for a show.

And that's where it all went wrong," sniffing Kryory spoke. Lenalee agreed, but Lavi was too busy madly pacing to actually realize that the narrative has gotten to its terrifying climax. By this time, Komui was hysterical. The images that Lenalee painted before his eyes were horrific. The scenes of Lenalee's innocence stripped by Kryory or Kanda or the both of them together as Kanda danced on the table, beer pouring all over his naked body as Lenalee screamed for more. Oh the HORROR!

Komui was down right ready to collapse, but there was more. Yes, there was more to be told…unfortunately. He licked his lips nervously.

"We expected a strip show, as you might understand, but instead the hypnotist told us all to sit down and presented herself as Madame Amazing. For some reason we all listened to her and settled down on the floor. Only Kanda just wouldn't calm down."

"By this time, I think Madame Amazing was amazingly smashed as well," Lavi added, as though in his defense.

"Kanda was giving her a hard time. He kept telling her to strip or something, but she just shot him this glare and told him to come down from the table," Lenalee continued as though Lavi's input was incredibly insignificant. "And he did. Kanda left his sword by the deli platter and came over to Madame Amazing."

Kryory quivered with both fright and anticipation. His aching head was blowing up like a miniature Hiroshima. And yet, the man found enough bravery to help Lenalee along with their terrible tale.

"She asked us questions. All sorts of questions about Kanda, but we didn't really pay attention. Someone told her that he was a stuck up jerk and…"

"I told her that," quietly and very guiltily Lavi mumbled. He finally stopped by the window. He effectively blocked most of the light that lit up the tiny room. The faces sank into darkness and Lavi's expression was illegible.

"Yes and she got this strange look on her face. Kanda was pretty much in just a shirt by that time, but he didn't seem to mind."

"None of us did," Lenalee added, to force Komui's eyes to bulge out.

"She told us to close our eyes and block our ears. We did as Madame Amazing told us and when we did open our eyes, few minutes later, the woman was gone ( as was most of our beer) and Kanda.." Kryory's voice cracked and he fell into a sea of woe, sniffing and crying like there was no tomorrow.

"And Yu hugged me," Lavi morbidly spoke. Komui took in a sharp breath of surprise.

For a moment, there was complete silence in the office.

"He…he… he HUGGED you?" the man couldn't fathom it. It was impossible Improbable. Unrealistic. Yu Kanda touching Lavi without a threat of death. No, no, that was pure madness.

"As you can understand, we all freaked out. But that wasn't the end of it. He went after Kryory then," very gravely Lavi narrated. "He gave him a hug and then set his sights on Lenalee. Luckily, a Finder came in then and Yu-chan," Lavi took a breath. "Yu-chan told him that he was doing a fantastic job and that he was a valuable member of the Order."

Komui gasped. "This is more serious than I ever expected. But what happened next?"

"He ran out of the room, still in just his shirt. He was screaming that this was a wonderful world and he loved everyone on it. He donated money, voted Democrats ,and planted a tree," hysterically Lenalee screamed before she too finally broke down like Kryory. Only Lavi stood, his face shrouded with darkness.

Horror drenched Komui's face. His lips quivered and he no longer thought that he was physically capable of picking up a much needed cup of coffee. "Yes, I understand. I understand. But why a crate? And why did you have to give him horse tranquilizers?" the poor man begged for someone to make sense of this madness.

"When he came back," Lavi's voice grew very low. "He wouldn't stop hugging me. I thought for sure he was going to molest me on the spot. Lenalee thought so too and that's why she knocked Yu out with a chair. The horse tranquilizer was an insurance that Kanda would stay knocked out and the crate." Lavi paused. "Well, that was a precaution."

Komui collapsed on his chair. What a disaster. Kanda was out of commission. Lavi was mentally scarred. Lenalee had a nervous breakdown and Kryory was suffering from a hangover.

And the worst part of it all, their insurance didn't cover hypnotist related injuries.


	7. Nature Boys

Title: Nature Boys

Genre: Humor

Rating: M for the language

Summary: Allen, Kanda, and Lavi have a fun time getting lost in the woods.

Requested by: RoyxRizaFan ( Thanks for the awesome idea )  


* * *

The woods.

The great outdoors.

What else could a guy want? After so many long missions, they were finally getting a break. The girls got their night on the town and they, well, the true men of the team ventured into the forest to try their strength and courage against mother-nature. Of course, neither Lavi nor Kanda were particularly fond of carrying heavy things, so after a sufficiently long discussion with Allen, it was decided by the white haired exorcist that he was the best suited to shoulder all the bags since he already had a vast experience of being a pack mule.

Lavi took in a lungful of fresh air. "This is the life. I can't believe Kryory chickened out on us," the red head said with a tiny self-appraising laugh. Oh, he was the real outdoors kinda guy.

Kanda gave a short huff, which translated to something like "wimp".

"And Komui? Seriously. All that bullshit about work. He chickened out too."

Kanda nodded to that with a little 'tch' which in Kanda-speak was "even bigger wimp".

Allen followed the conversation half heartedly. He was still a little weak on Kanda-speak and frankly was having a hard time translating the subtle sneers and snorts and tch's. His back formed a perfect arc and the boy trudged along. There was no fresh air where his nose was pointing. He hadn't seen much of the woods yet, save for the brown leaves on the ground, rare green undergrowth and the roots of the trees. Maybe he should have went with the girls like Komui. Of course, unlike that nutcase he wouldn't be snooping around and taking out every guy in the mile radius of Lenalee. How was he talked into carrying all these bags, anyway? Damn, Lavi was tricky.

"So do you know where we're going, Lavi?" the poor huffing-and-puffing boy asked. "I need a break." Kanda tched and Lavi had to nod.

"Ye of so little faith. I have a map. I know exactly where we're going. There supposed to be this fantastic clearing with like a brook really close by. We might even see some bears. As for a break. Like Kanda said, don't be a wimp. We've been walking for only two hours."

Allen groaned. "But my back hurts," he whined, slowing down in his steps. He wanted a break and he wanted one now.

"Oh shush, your back doesn't look so bad. Sure, it's a little realigned and you probably won't be able to stand straight for a couple of hours, but hell, be a man. Don't you feel the thrill of adventure? I can't wait to go hunting or something."

"But you don't even have a hunting riffle. All we have is a pocket knife and Kanda's sword. Do you expect to kill a deer barehanded?"

Lavi stopped. He was never so insulted in his life. He turned around and glared at Allen. "I'll do whatever it takes to get meat on that fire," triumphantly Lavi pumped a fist into the air, his chest heaving. Uncomfortable silence followed until Kanda gave a grunt.

"You're right, Kanda. I do need to take a leak after that outburst." Lavi made his heroic exit. Relieved, Allen collapsed on the ground. He took few shallow breathes before he felt his backbone pop back into its nature-intended shape. Kanda remained standing, silently waiting. Allen thought that if he didn't move, he wouldn't provoke an attack from Kanda. After all, the samurai was more of a danger in the kid's mind than a bear or hell a mountain lion. A mountain lion couldn't wield a sword, now could it?

Suddenly there came a shriek. At once, Allen jumped up only to be dragged down by his bags. Gasping and fighting for his life, the poor boy tried his best to stand up. Kanda already had his blade out in the clear sun, suspiciously looking from side to side.

Lavi burst through the undergrowth, running and shrieking. His pants dragged by the ankles as the young man sprinted for what seemed like his life. He ran right into Kanda and continued to scream and shriek and whimper against the samurai's chest. Kanda arched a brow and drew a scowl on his face. Lavi at once seemed to understand what the samurai was saying.

"I was attacked. Here I was, you know, doing my business, when all of a sudden this ANIMAL comes jumping out at me. It was after the map. So I lunge for the map to protect it from this ferocious monster. We wrested but it got the map and I was chasing after it just now," breathlessly, but still manly, Lavi described his moment of horror. Allen at once came up to pat Lavi's shoulder sympathetically.

"It's okay. We don't need a map. We're men. We can find our way around the woods," the white-haired kid assured his companions.

Kanda made a face of disgust after shock of seeing Lavi pant-less wore off.

Lavi wrinkled his nose and pulled away from the samurai. He even pulled up his pants and made up the zipper. "Yeah, I washed my hands during the fight," the red head shot, acting terribly hurt. Who did Kanda think he was? Mr. Bossy Pants?

Allen rubbed his nose. "So what kind of animal was it?" the boy asked out of curiosity. Slowly, the red head was returning to normal. He even brushed off the dust from his pants and jacket.

"Don't know. But it was huge and freaky looking with like ears too big for its head and protruding fangs. I can tell you that."

Kanda glanced away from the other two. The shadows were catching his interest. He didn't notice it before, but they were elongating, surely meaning that the sun was setting. The samurai sheathed his sword and rolled his shoulders. Lavi scratched his chin,

"You're right we better get going. It's going to be dark soon and we need to set up camp. Allen, stop being such a whining baby and pick up those bags. As far as I remember that clearing should be somewhere close by, an hour's walk away."

With these words ringing in their ears, the lot set out once again. And yet, Allen with dread watched as it grew darker and darker. Soon even Lavi noticed that the gloom thickened around them and a dreary coldness enveloped the forest. And still, they were no where near the beautiful clearing with a brook and bears. Allen decided to speak up then. After all, he seemed to be the only voice of reason around here.

"I think we're lost," he said, stopping all together.

"Nonsense," denied Lavi. He made few more steps before he realized that he didn't have Kanda backing him up on this. Spinning around, Lavi faced two grim faces half hidden in the thickening darkness. Kanda grunted with finality.

"Well, I just don't understand it. I'm a Bookman apprentice. I have killer memory. Maybe we made a wrong turn somewhere when Kanda said he smelled water," Lavi tried to explain himself. He had never been lost before, especially on his own account. This made no sense. He? Lost? No way!

"It doesn't matter how, what matters is that we're lost," Allen said frowning. He sat down on the ground, relieved to do as gravity dictated. His shoulders, back, and quads ached like there was no tomorrow. Kanda leaned against the tree. Expectantly they watched Lavi squirm on the spot.

"What do you expect me to do? I can't pull out the map out of my ass! It was all Kanda's fault and his sense of smell."

"You lost the map. Stop blaming Kanda," Allen shot back. He crossed arms across his chest.

"No, a monster stole the map. I tried to defend it."

Kanda shook his head and crossed arms across his chest as well, glaring at the red head.

"Well fine. If you think you would be better off without me, I'll go alone. And I'll be at the clearing before you two." He sniffed and turned his back on his fellow exorcists. Of course he was deeply hurt and he didn't want to drop the macho act. Sure, he was scared shitless to go off alone into the woods, especially with an animal on the prowl. But he had a name to uphold.

And so with strong confident steps, Lavi disappeared into the darkness. Kanda turned his glare to Allen. The boy shrunk away but found his voice eventually. "I think we should stay here until the morning. It would be a bad idea to go out into the woods at night. We'd get even more lost," Allen said.

Since both of them agreed that getting even more lost was not a particularly good thing, the two stayed put. In a matter of an hour, they had a fire ready and a shelter built against the vicious creatures living in this forest. They silently sat then by the fire, admiring the play of light and dark while listening to the hollow sounds of the night. Though they didn't speak, it was evident that even Kanda worried about Lavi. The red head stormed off without so much as a crumb of food not to mention that Lavi was a book worm. He wouldn't last in the wild for too long. It was a matter of time before…

A piercing scream shattered the calm night. Allen jumped to his feet, gray eyes widening on cue. "What was that?" the boy whispered, voice chocked by sheer fright. The scream sounded once again and now Kanda too rose to his feet. He shook his head. No, he couldn't imagine who could make such an unearthly sound. It hardly seemed to belong to this world.

The two exchanged looks. They needed to put out the fire lest it attracts attention of the screaming brute. They kicked the dirt over the flames until they were swallowed by complete darkness. They remained standing, breathing soundlessly, and waiting. Allen wished he could see Kanda's face if only to be reassured that he was not alone in this place. Suddenly, came sound of crashing feet. It was drawing closer. Allen shuddered with dread. Closer and closer the unknown drew and then, it erupted in the chaos of leaves and twigs from the bushes, giving out its throaty horrid cry.

No more. Allen couldn't take it. His legs sprang into action and before the boy realized it, he was storming down the path to the unknown destination. It took him another moment to realize that Kanda was next to him, also running. Behind them, Allen could almost hear the heaving breath of the monster.  
"Tree. Climb. Tree," breathlessly the boy told the samurai. And there came the perfect tree Allen thought up of. With low branches just low enough for him to grasp, the boy began climbing up the tree like a monkey, forgetting all about the struggling samurai. Kanda was just not meant to climb trees. But for all his huffing and puffing, eventually Kanda made it all the way, losing his jacket and a part of his shirt in the process.

Oh, but they were not safe. From down below, Allen could hear the branches groaning as a third body began climbing up. Terrified at the sight of the monster's head, Allen lowered himself to stomp on the beast's head. It gave a low groan, which only encouraged Allen. As he stomped and stomped, the boy came to thinking that this was probably the monster Lavi was talking about, the one that stole their only map. This fueled Allen's stomping even more and he continued it with a new vigor. But the beast was tough. It refused to let go of the tree and even tried to give out its terrifying voice. With a last superhuman stomp, Allen managed to detach the monster from the tree trunk and it came tumbling down with a yell.

"You idiot!!"

And then Allen froze. That sounded like... Oh My God!

"Lavi? Lavi? Where are you? Are you okay?" Allen, frightened and queasy asked. There came a groan from somewhere on the ground and Kanda had to admit, it sounded awfully like Lavi.

"We need to go down. We need to save Lavi," Allen panicked. Wordlessly, as always, Kanda moved down the tree to do just that. Impatiently the boy waited at the top, already feeling the wrath of Bookman apprentice once he'd make it up the tree. But instead of hearing a reassuring tchs and snorts from Kanda, there came a scream. Again.

"It's the monster!" Lavi screeched. At once there was scattering of feet and cracking of branches. The two were climbing at lightning speed, despite the fact that Lavi was careening to the left all the time and he saw two Kandas and three Allens at the top. "We're safe here," in hushed tones the boy said when the other two settled. "Guess we're waiting here 'til morning,' he added. Lavi groaned, cradling his head, but said nothing. Before long, they were all asleep to the sounds of the monster shuffling at the base of the tree.

Their night of horror ended with the first rays of the sun. Allen rubbed his eye, cracking to see the green of leaves all around him. At first, the boy was confused, but then slowly the events from last night came back to him. He glanced around. Kanda was hugging the trunk of a tree and Lavi… Ugh, well Lavi was all blue and black and snoring on the branch like it was a five star hotel bed. At least they were alive. And now that it was finally light, he could see everything. Oh, he had never been so happy before in his life. Slowly, the other two began to wake up and soon they were talking about coming down. The climb down was slow. Now that they could see the height of the tree, their bravery was failing them. But Lavi, still being delusional was first to set foot on the ground, grinning ear to ear. Allen felt bad since Lavi looked just awful. He swallowed hard and licked his lips.

"Lavi. I just feel awful about last night. I'm so-"

But alas, his apology was cut short. Lavi's face (already looking quite horrific) turned to horrified. He babbled, words stuck in his throat. Instead, the red head began pointing. Apparently, there was something behind Allen that robbed Lavi of his gift of speech. But then, the voice erupted in a flood.

"Allen. The monster. It's behind you!" Lavi screamed and went scrambling up the tree like a monkey, again. Allen turned. Nothing. He glanced up. Still nothing. And then, the boy had the audacity to look down. As Lavi climbed, he cringed at the thought of Allen being eaten alive. But well, it was better than him being eaten alive. This was the real world. Only the strong survived. He waited patiently for the blood curdling scream. But none came. Puzzled, Lavi glanced down. Where was the blood and gore and Allen's guts sprinkled around like Christmas decorations? Kanda too was no longer up at the tree, but stood next to the crouching Allen. The boy was laughing. Laughing! What was wrong with the kid?

"Lavi!" Allen screamed. "Come down. It's okay."

The red head was not all that trusting, but seeing as both Allen and Kanda were still alive…

All right, he began climbing down and the kid was still laughing. Lavi's foot touched the ground. He turned to stare at the laughing Allen and the actually SMILING Kanda. And then, to Lavi's utter horror, the monster was in Allen's arms. The red head began to hyperventilate. Kanda did the honors of smacking him. And then, contrary to his usual behavior the, samurai spoke.

"Idiot. You had us running the whole night because of a bunny."

Lavi realized then, he wasn't much of an outdoors kind of guy in the end.


	8. Kanda vs Birthdays

Title: Kanda vs. Birthdays

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Kanda hates getting presents and birthdays in general. But, Allen has a plan this year to give Kanda his present. Kanda doesn't even stand a chance. Yullen. Nothing too graphic.

Requested by: ThisUsernameIsVeryCreative (Thanks for an uber fun request. I like writing this sort of fluff)

* * *

He couldn't run away. He couldn't hide. Whatever was chasing him was gaining and gaining fast. Soon, too soon, it would overcome him. Its bony hands would grasp his throat, suffocating him until the world would blur. And here were those hands already. Fingers curled and pressed into the meat of his neck. He chocked, coughing, and he scratched at those hands. "No," weakly he croaked and darkness overtook him.

Kanda woke up in a start. He was sweating profusely, hair stuck to the back of his neck and forehead. He breathed heavily. Wiping away the sweat, the man laid back down in his bed. His heart quivered with fright, anticipation, and annoyance. It was coming. Every year it came and this year was no different. The youth wanted to cry. Why couldn't he just skip it? Or better yet, disappear off the face of the earth before he would have to go through another torturous minute of that well… torture. The samurai willed himself to sleep, but it was impossible now. Nothing was going to make him relax, not until his birthday was over.

But not everyone shared Kanda's sentiment. The Black Order awaited the day with excitement. Oh, there was going to be a party with all this wonderful food and balloons and dancing. It was going to be amazing, granted they would be able to find Kanda. The last few times the samurai somehow managed to slip through their fingers and the whole Order was sent on a wild goose chase for Kanda. He turned up a few days later like nothing happened. Still, the party was a bust. The staff couldn't wait for the second round. This time, Kanda was going to have his cake and eat it too.

Already, massive trips to do some shopping were directed by Komui. The kitchen was abuzz and Finders instead of ,well finding, were decorating the main hall. Everywhere there was a soft murmur of voices about who got Kanda what and why. But the samurai didn't want to even think of any of it. He tried to ignore the infuriating noises outside of his room. He knew already that there were guards standing by his door. He wouldn't be able to escape without knocking someone out or being knocked out. Damn. He should have snuck out yesterday, but then, he stayed up late with Allen, arguing with the kid. There was just something about the white-haired youth that made him both confused and frightened, not to mention angry. VERY angry. Sure he had anger issues in general, but this was a new sort of rage. Rage of hopelessness? Guh, now was not the time to consider that. Now was the time to plan a brilliant escape.

But Kanda couldn't stop thinking about that annoying brat. He kept telling the samurai that he would get his gift no matter what. Kanda was unconvinced. He never accepted presents and this year would be of no exception. There was no way that he would compromise his perfect record of being an absolute prune.

He dressed himself as usual and sneaked to the door. Through the keyhole, the man could spot someone's butt. It was a sure sign, he was being watched or rather guarded. Damn it. Komui thought of everything. Even Kanda was not crazy enough to jump out of the window, though it was growing more and more appealing as the hopelessness of his situation settled in. They really meant business this year. He could only imagine what sort of trickery Allen would use to give that gift of his. Kanda shuddered. The samurai knocked on the door. "Hey, I need to go get some fresh air," he said through the door.

On the other side echoed laughter. "What do you think, we were born yesterday?" That clearly sounded like Lavi. There was also a light frightened murmur. "Kryory," Kanda breathed. Of all the people they could put in front of his door, the master minds behind this birthday did fine sort of picking. That's it. There was nothing that he could do. Leaving the door, Kanda went to the bed and just collapsed on it. Maybe this won't last long. He would just close his eyes and drift off into a different world. No one could bother him in his dreams.

Before Kanda knew it, he was sleeping again. The poor youth was completely unaware that at this time, Allen was just starting his evil plot. Innocently, the kid walked down the hall. He waved to Lavi and Kryory. "Hey you guys. Is Kanda in there?" the white-haired exorcist asked. Lavi laughed good naturedly,

"You bet your ass he's there. He can't escape these three eyes," the Bookman apprentice assured Allen with a nod. Kryory too seemed confident in their abilities.

"Good, good," the kid mumbled. "Can I go in then? Komui asked me to ask him which color streamers he wanted over his chair," Allen lied. But it was a good lie and it was a lie that worked. Kryory opened the door and the white-haired liar slipped in. It was surprisingly light in the room. Somehow, Allen expected Kanda's room to always be dark. The sun seemed to be too harsh on the samurai's pale skin. Allen walked cautiously. It was so clean, not like Lavi's room.

Suddenly, from the corner of his eyes, Allen noticed the sleeping figure of the youth on the bed. His breath hitched. Why wasn't Kanda awake? Why wasn't he being obnoxious and mean and haughty? This was a side of the samurai Allen never expected to see. He was so… peaceful? Yes, peaceful was the right word. But what made Walker giggle was Kanda's uncanny resemblance to a girl. It was funny to think that he was more manly than the psychotic and murderous Yu Kanda. Allen drew closer. He was quite convinced now that the samurai was indeed sleeping and not just faking it so to lull Allen into sense of safety.

The bean sprout was so close by then that he could see the minute movements of the other's chest as he breathed in and out. Definitely not a girl. Gray eyes drifted up to rest on the face. "Kanda," Allen murmured. He was right over the other's head. "Kanda. Wake up," very cautiously the youth continued. All right, so obviously whispering wasn't enough to get Kanda up just yet. What to do?

Allen grabbed roughly the other's shoulders and began shaking the living daylight out of the samurai. "Wake up, you lazy ass! Wake up! It's your birthday!" the boy screamed while shaking and shaking poor birthday boy like there was no tomorrow. Kanda woke up in a start. His hands flew up to wrench the arms from his shoulders. An Akuma attack? He opened his eyes only to find the surprising sight of Allen in his room and that close to him. At first Kanda had to panic. But then, all that terror turned to absolute rage. He flew off the bed and Allen, the moment Kanda's eyes opened, scrambled away for the door. "You little bastard. What are you doing in my room?" the samurai roared. Allen fought for the door, tripping over furniture that seemed to pop out of nowhere. Behind him was the threatening shadow of Yu Kanda. Allen just hoped he would get to the door in time. Maybe coming here was a bad idea. "I came here to make a deal," Allen yelped, reaching for the door handle. It didn't budge. Damn it. The door was locked from the outside. He couldn't open it from the inside.

Kanda was already on top of him, figuratively speaking. From somewhere, the samurai took a lamp and held it over his head threateningly. "Deal?" he breathed, curious but still murderous.

"Yes. A deal. I can get you out," Allen spoke hurriedly. Time was of the essence. Who knew how long this proposition could hold Kanda's interest. The samurai cocked his head, observing the wiggling youth still clutching the door handle.

"What's the catch?" Kanda asked.

"I get to give you your gift."

Kanda narrowed his eyes. He didn't know what was worse, breaking his record of no gift-getting or breaking his record of successful escapes from every birthday party thus far. Allen was really twisting his hand there. Kanda lowered the lamp and stepped back.

"Okay. I need to think about this," the man spoke. Allen scrambled up, but remained close to the door. Kanda could change his mind at any moment. It was better to be safe than sorry. That lamp looked mighty durable. Kanda made up his bed with one hand and sat down on top of it. He motioned for Allen to take the seat on one of the upturned chairs. Allen didn't take his eyes off of Kanda or the lamp, but he did sit down. After all, this could prove to be a historical event. Lavi would have to eat his words.

"So, how exactly are you planning to ensure my escape?" the man asked thoughtfully. Allen squirmed under those cold eyes. My, what a change from the peaceful image of the effeminate beauty to this cold bastard! Allen marveled at Kanda's power of shape shifting.

"I walk out that door, knock out Lavi and Kryory and you're free to go wherever you want," with surprising calm Allen responded. Kanda rubbed his chin. That seemed possible enough. He thought Allen had an excellent chance of surprising the other two and overpowering them. Hmm…

"Fine. It's a deal. You can give me your gift or whatever and then you free me from this hell hole," Kanda spat. Allen's inner voice had a nice maniacal laughter. He could hardly believe this was happening. Kanda must have been very desperate.

"Close your eyes. I want it to be a real surprise," the youth breathed.

"Fine." Kanda sniffed. "Bean sprout." And he closed his eyes. Now then, in perfect darkness, the samurai sat there waiting. He heard steps. Allen was drawing closer. Suddenly, Kanda began to panic. What if Allen got him something weird or unnecessary? Would he have to pretend to like it? He didn't have time to return gi-

And then all thoughts just vanished from his head. A strange sensation blew fire works in his head. It took Kanda a moment or two to realize that there was something pressing against his lips, moving against his lips, making his toes curl in unfamiliar pleasure. And then it hit him.

Allen was kissing him! Holy shit! Perhaps he should pull back. It was probably a joke. Yes, it had to be a prank. Allen was just messing with him and Lavi and Kryory were probably watching and laughing their asses off. But for all the straining, Kanda couldn't pick up the distinct barks of Lavi's laughter. This couldn't be for real. It just couldn't. Kanda's lungs ached and he pulled away. Opening the eyes, the man met pair of gray orbs, staring right back at him. Kanda was speechless. He was so shocked beyond all measure. Should he be upset? Happy? Angry? The gray eyes were immobile. Kanda's gaze shifted. He caught sight of the lips that a moment ago stole his own breath.

"You have sensual lips," the birthday boy whispered hesitantly.

"You look like a girl," was Allen's response. Kanda gave a nervous laugh. Should he?

"Shut up, bean sprout."

"I'm better at kissing than talking anyway."

"I'll be the judge of that."

He caught hold of the other's lips, reveling in what he thought to be the taste of the forbidden fruit. By the time the festivities were to start and Kanda was due downstairs, neither Lavi nor Kryory had the guts to get the samurai. So, Kanda reflected after Lavi carried out the unconscious Kryory out of his room, Allen's plan worked out perfectly. He gave the birthday boy his gift and Kanda didn't have to show up at the party. He marveled at the ingenuity of the slim white haired youth who was fighting in his sleep for the right to snuggle up to the one who always called him 'bean sprout'. Kanda had to admit ( grudgingly),this was the best birthday he ever had.


	9. Fool's Quest

Title: Fool's Quest

Genre: Tragedy

Rating: T

Summary: Allen disappears and it's Lavi's duty to find him. There's no way Allen could possibly betray the Order, right? Sorry, no yaoi.

Requested by: Archsage Soren  


* * *

He vanished. He disappeared. He slipped through their hands like grains of sand. Blown away by an invisible wind, Allen Walker didn't leave a trace. It was perplexing, dumbfounding really. One evening, Lavi could swear that he was talking with Allen, all having a fun time, and the next, the youth was gone. His room remained untouched. Nothing was out of place. No signs of struggle. No open windows. No traces. Gone.

And no matter how long Komui wracked his head with the science department, not one of them could easily explain this peculiar phenomenon. An act of Innocence? But then, there was nothing that preceded it before. Death? There should have been a body uncovered at this time. And only Cross, who was contacted by a miracle, gravely shook his head with the knowledge. All expected that somehow Allen joined up with his master and they were touring the Asia. But Cross killed that hope rather quickly. He was traveling alone, but he had a guess where Allen could be. Komui refused to believe. Even the open minded Bookman too had a hard time swallowing what Marion Cross had to offer.

"If he's gone, he joined the Noah Clan. The awakening has been completed," in an almost bored tone the womanizer spoke. He blew smoke in the face of the golem, squinting. "He won't be coming back."

"But that's impossible! What about his Innocence? It's poison to the Noahs," Komui argued vehemently. Could a Noah family member be an exorcist as well? It made him sick to his stomach and Lenalee cried in the corner. Lavi stood stone faced. Kanda left the office long ago to drag out hysterical Kryory and Miranda.

"Fourteenth is a special case. Plus, I suspect the Noahs would find a way to rid themselves of the anti-Akuma weapon living amongst them." Cross tossed the cigarette on the floor. His foot came down to suffocate the spark of fire in it. "Anyway, I must get going. Don't expect to get hold of me again." Komui could swear he heard traces of sadness, perhaps even tears in Cross's good bye. But with a man like that, it was hard to tell, though surely even he was shaken by Allen's disappearance.

Betrayal. This is what it spelled to all the exorcists in the room. Allen Walker was a traitor. Lavi felt his friend was gone more so than ever and yet, there was a beckon of hope that lighted his heart and soul. "We have to find him," he broke the silence of the office. "We have to find him and bring him here. Allen we know would never give in to something so vile. If we find him, we can still turn him back."

It was a fool's quest, but Komui did have a willing fool. Heatedly, Lavi defended his point of view. If they were real friends, the young man argued, they would see too that General Cross was mistaken. No way could the same boy who fought so valiantly to save them could betray them. The Bookman didn't even have the heart to tell Lavi that the power of the Noah was beyond understanding of the human mind, much less human heart. It was an all consuming force, a disease that never found its cure but in the face of death.

And so, so ill equipped, Lavi was send out to comb the world in search of Allen. He believed that the next day would be the day he'd find his friend and talk some sense into that bean spout head of his. Really. What did Noahs have that the Black Order didn't have? This question plagued his mind as he visited the gray London and then the gay and colorful Paris. He was seen in Frankfurt, Rome, and in the region of Tuscany. Then he too vanished into the thin air.

But shortly before Lavi broke all contact with the order, like wild fire a rumor began to spread. The people talked about the forest that came to life. How strange! Supernatural. Frightening even. The people gave accounts of roots growing out to wind around feet of travelers and the branches reaching down to grab at the heads. Without a doubt, it was a sign of Innocence.

It was no surprise then that accounts of monsters soon followed. Villagers fled their homes because suddenly they were overrun by beasts that hunted humans. Surely, soon Noahs would show their faces as well…

The forest seemed quiet, too quiet really. It should have been breathing with life and sounds. The two headed monstrosity stepped wearily through the thicket. It sniffed the air tentatively. The search for Innocence has taken too long. To add to its misfortune, its comrades, level threes were no where to be found, vanished. And yet, the two headed Akuma could not afford to waste time worrying for some insignificant co-workers. Its master was cruel. Its master was unforgiving. He was looking for results.

And then, suddenly the forest erupted into millions of sounds. The roots underfoot twisted and turned, wrapping themselves around the trunk like legs of the Akuma. It screamed, in surprise and distress. What was happening? From overhead, the branches reached down, scratching its two faces and stuffing its mouths with leaves.

"Another Akuma," disheartened Lavi spoke. He shrunk his hammer and walked up to the demon. The wood seal proved to be quite handy in creating the illusion of a forest coming to life. It fooled the Akuma, but did it fool the Noah?

"Where are the Noah?" he asked the demon. It spat leaves and laughed. "Filthy exorcist. You're going to die," it hissed back at him, grinning defiantly. But that smirk of its was quickly wiped away as the roots tightened their hold. Distress showed at once on those hideous features. It screamed, high pitched deafening, before the roots crushed its body and freed the trapped soul.

"I'm running out of time," Lavi whispered. Another idiot Akuma. They could never understand that time was precious. Waiting for results was killing him..It was easier to destroy them than to continue questioning them. He was about to leave. Already, the rough body of the Akuma disintegrated into nothingness. There were bound to be….

A laugh. His ear peaked. It sounded like it came from the tree tops. "Oh look, he killed another one!"

Spinning in place, Lavi scanned the branches. That voice. It had to belong to one of the Noahs. It was so familiar.

"I told you there was no Innocence!" And the laughter rang stronger and stronger. It made Lavi feel dizzy, sick to his stomach.

"Trying to find us?" the second voice asked.

"Oh you know that won't happen. He only has one eye!" the laughing voice taunted.

"Show yourselves," Lavi growled. Noahs. They never played fair. Always had those sick games. But they underestimated him. This time, he would be the force to be reckoned with.

"Should we?" the laughing voice asked.

"I don't see the harm. We'll just play a bit with him and be on our way."

"You have the best ideas."

Lavi tensed. Here they come. He braced himself as overhead the leaves began to move and down came two shadows.

"Hello there, eye-patch," Road spoke. She placed a hand on her hips, looking at him with the most bemused look. Lavi sniffed in disgust and turned his eyes to look at the second Noah. His breath hitched.

"Well, don't be rude to her! Say 'hello' and 'how are you'!" the laughing shadow broke the tense silence.

"A….A….Allen?" in disbelief Lavi choked. No matter how many times he was told that the white-haired exorcist betrayed them, the thought never felt quite so real as it did right then. Cold shiver ran down his spine as he stared into the grinning face of his comrade.

"They call me the 14th now," amused the Noah spoke. The smile didn't leave his lips. Oh no, it stayed as though it was glued to his lips, but the eyes were cold and lifeless.

"Allen. This is madness! You don't belong with these monsters. Come back. Everyone misses you," Lavi began to plead. Had Allen truly become a Noah? His green eye swept over the forehead. Line of crosses marred what once was clear skin. The smile was unsettling and those eyes were as cold as ice.

"You're quite wrong, eye patch. He finally found his family. Haven't you, kitten?" Road smirked. She pressed a lingering kiss on the 14th's cheek, melting it into a satisfied grin. The other Noah seemed unperturbed by the horror that struck Lavi's face.

"But what of your Innocence? What about your friends? Don't you care about them?" A pause. "Allen!" the man roared. He charged blindly at the two Noahs. Fire coursed through his veins. No, no. He hadn't come thus far to be sent home empty handed. Allen was coming with him. He had to. He just had to!

Candle flew by his ear. Startled, Lavi realized that they were behind him now, the pair holding hands. "This is proving most fun," the 14th announced laughingly.

"Wait just a moment and it will be even more fun," promised Road.

"You're not planning to kill him, are you? We don't have time for him, you know"

"That's not a reason to NOT draw blood."

Candles appeared everywhere, surrounding Lavi like a cloud. His chest heaved and eye grew wide. Hammer in hand, he called for the seal, but no, not fast enough. A candle drove right through his arm. The hammer tumbled to the ground, landing in the soft grass.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Blood spilled from the hole in his arm. Lavi was shaking. Terror spread through his entire body but he couldn't dare to run. He was a warrior. He was here for Allen.

"Allen," pleadingly the man murmured. But Road would have none of that. One by one the candles swooped, painting themselves red. Lavi fell on the ground, helplessly watching the scavengers rip at his miserable flash.

"Your Innocence," weakly the man croaked.

"Oh, I can't believe he's worried still about that! He's going to bleed to death and all he thinks about is this Innocence!" bewildered, though smiling, the 14th casually spoke to Road.

"He doesn't know that you chopped off your arm. The Earl did a wonderful job replacing that pesky parasite with a well and function new arm of yours. He doesn't even suspect you destroyed your Innocence!"

The world was becoming blurry. Lavi half heard what Road had to say, but soon, it all turned into one giant whizzing sound of the flying and pecking candles. He coughed, blood rising to warm his lips and cheeks and neck. Lavi couldn't believe his perfect plan failed. To think, Allen indeed betrayed them.

"He's no fun anymore. Let's go," the 14th finally announced. He gave a laugh, as though a goodbye to the bleeding pulp of flesh that still seemed to try to rise to its feet.

"Allen. Don't. Don't go." So weak. So helpless. So angry and confused.

"Leave him," Road advised.

The cold gray eyes narrowed. "I have an idea. How about we kill him anyway?"

"I don't want to dirty my hands. You do it," the girl pouted and crossed arms across her chest, turning away.

The 14th didn't seem at all put out by the idea. He crossed the short distance that separated him and the bleeding mess of an exorcist. Careful not to dirty his shoes, the 14th stopped by Lavi's head. He squatted down, peering into that stricken with agony face. He reached his hand down, hovering over Lavi's chest.

"Allen," Lavi breathed with relief. His friend wasn't going to leave him after all. He knew that Allen couldn't possible betray his friends like that.Lavi half focused on the other's gray face only to find that the smile was ever present.

"I told you. I'm the 14th ."

And he ripped Lavi's heart out.


	10. Luck

This time, I was asked to attempt something that hasn't been attempted often before. A new PAIRING!!

* * *

Title: Luck

Rating: M for suggestion of SMUT

Genre: Crack/Romance

Summary: Lavi's and Allen's night on the town to celebrate a big date takes a strange turn for the better. AllenxLulubell

Requested by: Strikerflame2

* * *

On that surprisingly warm evening, when the sun lingered above the horizon for a smidge longer than usual, it struck Lavi with remembrance that two years passed by since the time Allen joined the Black Order. They finished a mission by then, in the thicket of rich Austrian country. Though, the red head suspected that Allen wouldn't want to make a fuss about this notable date, Lavi knew that he wanted to make that fuss and the bigger the better. All day long, he buzzed into Allen's ear about this and that and then, very casually, let it slip that they should go to a bar, to celebrate the two year mark. Allen protested. He in a bar? Unthinkable. He didn't belong in a place like that. He hardly even knew which way to hold a beer cup. But Lavi thought it would be amusing to see Allen roaring drunk.

"You're seventeen, bean sprout! What's the problem? Little munchkins younger than you go to pubs!" incredulous, but crafty, the red head argued. Allen thought it over. They were in a place where beer ran in the rivers instead of water. Why not? He agreed after long and tiresome arguments. Casting away their exorcist uniforms, if only for one evening, Lavi and Allen headed to one of the best pubs in a small town, the Golden Goose, or as the Austrians called it, die Goldene Gans. Allen had a mean time breaking his tongue over this language, but Lavi twittered away like he was born to speak it. So the white-haired exorcists stuck to English. They arrived at the pub and headed for the counter. Behind it stood the gruff pub owner, peering at the world with small mean eyes. Allen looked around.

He didn't like the look of this place. First of all, the women laughed too much and sat too close to burly and drunk men. Second of all, he didn't like the sight of those burly half drunk men. They didn't take too kindly to strangers, especially the ones that butchered their language. Lavi ordered the beer and set the mug in front of Allen. "There's more where that came from," Lavi assured the other with a wink. Inwardly, Allen groaned. Of all the places where they could celebrate this date, why did it have to be this stinking pub?

"All right, let's drink for your health," Lavi said. He picked up the mug, knocked it against Allen's and they both drained half of it.

Allen nearly coughed then. Beer tasted awful. It made him nearly want to vomit at the sour taste at the back of his throat. Atrocious. Lavi thought so too, but he was too much of a man to show his personal disgust with the drink. "Now let's drink for my health." They knocked their mugs again and drained the cups. Allen was feeling sicker and sicker.

"That's it. I'm done," turning green in the face, Allen began to slip from the stool.

"Nonsense," firmly Lavi replied. "We still have to drink for Lenalee's health, for Kanda, and Kryory, Miranda, Komui, all the branch heads, the science department, and last but not least, the generals!"

Allen couldn't argue with that. It would seem rude not to drink for the health of the Black Order if he already drank for his health. "More beer," he said in broken German, waving his arm to the counter. He sat back down and looked around, while Lavi with anticipation watched the beer be poured into their mugs. Allen noted, from among the drunk men and laughing women, a form of a woman, just sitting at a table all by her lonesome self and drinking what appeared to be milk. He found it odd. What in a world would a woman, admittedly very pretty, be sitting all by herself and drinking milk too?

"I must be drunk," Allen mumbled to himself as he turned his attention back to Lavi and the beer. "For Lenalee's health," cheerily Lavi exclaimed and they drained their mugs without a second thought. After the initial shock of bad taste, beer was growing on Allen. Now he eagerly picked up the mug, mumbled some toast and off they drained another one. By the time they reached half of the science department, Allen was good and ready to see flying pigs and golden geese. Lavi was trying to tell him something, but his speech was so slurred, it was impossible to make out a single bloody thing he said. He waved his arms in the air, slapped Allen on the back, called for more beer and swiveled on the chair.

And maybe this would have been the way the evening ended, if not for something peculiar occurring. Just as Allen was in the midst of blurring out another toast, a woman, the same one who drank milk at the far table, walked by. Now, there was nothing strange about that, except that her fingers ever so lightly brushed against his shoulder, she winked and him and slowed her walk. Bewildered, Allen glanced from the back of the retreating woman to the face of his companion.

"Idiot. What are you sitting here for? Go after her," Lavi finally made sense only to confuse Allen more.

"Why?"

"Christ, if you don't know WHY go after a woman when she deliberately (it came out more like deliblaly on Lavi's part) made a move, I'm gonna go in your place!"

Allen shook his arms. Finally, he got the gist of what Lavi was saying, though he wasn't sure what the woman really wanted with him. Allen slumped from the chair, swaying like the grass in the wind. He righted himself by the counter and straightened out his vest.

"Luck," Lavi mumbled. "You lucky son of a bitch," he spat, swilling another mug of beer and descending into soft unconsciousness. That's it Allen was all on his own. He caught sight of the woman disappearing around the corner of the pub, heading for the bathrooms. How puzzling! Allen couldn't make ends of it meet. If she wanted to go to the bathroom, why the hell did she want for him to follow her? And what's with the milk?

Allen stumbled over a table, but righted himself and continued his walk of confusion. What's the worst that could happen? So he'd walk into the women's bathroom, get the hell slapped out of him and leave. He'd drag Lavi back to the inn and they would both moan and groan the next morning about atrocious hang overs. As easy as that.

He turned the corner himself then, giving a last awkward look to the counter. Lavi wasn't moving, except for the occasional bouts of murmurs which brought more beer to his side. Allen took a breath and opened the door to the women's bathroom.

He closed his eyes, expecting a searing pain of a palm crashing against his face. But instead, Allen felt the hell being pulled out of him. Suddenly, hands wounds around his vest and rather roughly pressed the poor exorcist against the wall. Terror took hold of his heart. It was a trap! He's going to get robbed right now by one of those burly drunk men. Allen cracked one eye open. No, no burly man, but instead one gorgeous woman, staring at him. Was that hunger in her eyes or amusement?

"Wha-" Allen began to speak but soon his lips proved to be too occupied. She leaned in, her bust pressing against his chest, smothering him. Her lips moved animatedly against his, demanding for control. Allen was too dumbfounded to react. Her hands were on his vest. His hung awkwardly by his own body as the woman was kissing the living day light out of him. She pulled away if only to lick her lips. Strange, it reminded him of a cat, but that thought quickly vanished as he felt her knee press precariously close to his crotch.

Allen gasped. What in the world? "You're cute," the woman breathed, teasing him really. She took hold of his hand and placed it on her own bottom. Allen watched her with wide staring eyes. This woman was insane! Hm, but she smelled good and she was very pretty. He supposed there could be good looking lunatics in the world.

She bowed her head once more, catching his lips with her own. But this time, Allen was ready. If there was anything he knew to do, it was to kiss. Spin the bottle proved to be a very popular game in the Black Order during the lull hours. He ran his tongue over her lower lip, but she ignored him. Oh no, she was running this show as far as Allen could see. He struggled for a control a few moments later before he simply parted his lips. Fine, she could win this time.

Triumphant, she slipped her tongue inside, exploring the cavity of Allen's mouth. Strange, he really could taste milk on her. The woman was relentless, wresting poor Allen until he was simply groaning. Maybe Lavi was right. Maybe there was something to older women. But his lungs began to ache. Air. Air. He needed air. The woman pulled away, but wouldn't give up. She busied himself with Allen's vest and then his shirt. Allen was surprised to find himself lightly squeezing the woman's bottom. Her stare was hypnotic.

"There, there. Good, kitten," she cooed as she finally unbuttoned his shirt and revealed the pale skin of his chest. Allen gasped. The woman pressed his luscious lips against his collar bone, nibbling on it. Of course, by that time her knee disappeared from proximity of his crotch, though the discomfort level didn't change. He could swear these pants were the right size only a moment ago. Allen groaned. The woman's mouth was leading a trail down from the crook of the neck to the collar bone and down. Poor exorcist was turning bright red. This woman couldn't possibly have intentions to do THAT in a bathroom! It was unheard of.

Her hands were on the belt of his pants by then, undoing it with no hurry but great skill. His hand roamed her back. My god. Thoughts evaporated from his head. Allen moaned again. The woman's hands were cold. She glanced up, only to bow her head to kiss his stomach. "That tickles," he told her, another bout of moans suffocating his speech.

Allen felt the pants pool around his ankles. Finally, some relief. The pants were getting way too tight for comfort. Allen closed his eyes, confusion flooding over him. He couldn't think and couldn't very well understand the myriad of sensations that took hold of him. What strange caresses in place he was never touched before! What heat, pain, and delight! And when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, the woman stopped. Allen cracked his eyes open, to find her standing now in front of him. She smiled, licked her lips and waved to him as though to say goodbye. "The rest is when you're a bit older," she promised with a smile.

"But," Allen gasped. "I don't even know your name," he managed to blur out despite the tension growing in his guts.

"Of course you do, Allen Walker. It's Lulu-Bell," the Noah purred.

She disappeared and Allen was left standing alone, pressed at the wall of a bathroom, pant-less. He ran a hand over his forehead and began to laugh. Damn Noah of Lust! He couldn't believe she got him. Lavi wouldn't believe a word of this story.


	11. Mind Over Matter

Title: Mind Over Matter

Genre: Comedy

Rating: T to M

Summary: Lavi arranges a date for Allen and Lenalee. The only problem is that they have to keep this a secret from a certain brother.

Requested by: ImJustNutty

* * *

"I look silly," Allen whine when he stared at himself in the mirror, Lavi fretting around him, pulling on his sleeve and collar, straightening the vest and the shirt.

"Nonsense. Look how spiffy you look in a tie. Lenalee would be knocked right out of her Dark Boots," the red head argued back, tightening the tie til Allen's face acquired that aristocratic paleness and lightest shade of blue.

'I… I don't know. What if she doesn't like me like that. I'm making a fool out of myself."

Lavi straightened out. He pointed accusing finger at Allen. "I worked really hard on this. I bought the tickets to the concert. I made the reservation at the restaurant. I swear, if you complain one more time, I will strangle you with your own tie," the Book-Man apprentice warned before he turned into all smiles.

"Now, I have to go see how Lenalee is doing. You know the plan. Get out through the back before Komui notices that you're gone." He left Allen still pivoting around in front of the mirror. His face was turning from blue to green. And yet, Lavi didn't seem too worried. His plan was full-proof, granted the two love birds didn't screw this up. Lavi was so tired hearing Allen whine about how he didn't stand a chance with Lenalee and he was annoyed by Lenalee's innocence act. She knew he wanted that bean sprout, just wouldn't show it. Clearly, this would have gone nowhere if not for a genius like him, Lavi. He mentally petted himself on the back before he knocked on the door to Lenalee's room.

She opened the door just a crack and without looking, dragged the red head in by the arm. Lenalee shut the door and fixed him with a vacant frightened stare. "I'm worried."

"About what?" Laavi asked. He walked over to the window to check if Komui fixed some sort of recording devices. He didn't want to be identified with this mess, not really.

"I'm just so sure that Nii-san will find out. I'm worried what he'd do to Allen."

Lavi gave a laugh and waved his hand. "Allen is a tough kid. He can take anything Komui can dish out."

She bit her thumb but resolved to trust the master mind. Lavi seemed so cool and calm under these pressing circumstances. He didn't have one bit of fright in his eye and his manner was jovial and reassuring. "You'll have a great time. I'm sure." Lavi checked the time. They had to wait at least half an hour after Allen left the head quarters before they would attempt to get Lenalee out. That would be, decidedly, the hard part. But nothing worthy was easy, Lavi thought. If it had to be fought for, ripped out from cold hard fingers of fate, then it was something of true value.

Minutes ticked away and Lenalee sat there, biting her thumb. Time couldn't drag slower even if Miranda froze it in its place. And then at last, the clock struck six. Lanelee yelped, turning her eyes to the calm Lavi. "Well, go on, Cinderella. Have your dance with your prince," dismissively the young man said. The girl nodded and moved for the door. Lavi remained sitting, waiting. The hall remained quiet even after Lenalee left. It only meant that she sneaked out. It also meant that this was only the beginning. Lavi bit down on his lip. It was up to luck for now.

He checked the watch. It was nearing seven now. If everything went well, the two would be at the concert. It also meant that in five minutes Komui would be here to inspect if Lenalee was in the room. Lavi cleared his throat. He was never too good at faking voices, but it was worth a shot. The clock struck seven and just like that, there was a knock on the door.

"Lenalee, dear. It's your Nii-san. How are you?" Komui called out. There was an uncustomary pause. He narrowed his eyes. Something was up.

"I'm fine Nii-san. I'm just changing," Lavi's voice cracked unbelievably high as he strained. The man fumbled with clothing in Lenalee's closet to make it sound believable.

Changing? Something was up.

"Your voice sounds harsh. Did you catch a cold?" Komui asked. Already he pressed against the door. Oh something definitely smelled fishy and he was getting to the bottom of this.

"Oh yes, Niss-san. I caught a cold." Lavi coughed. "I'll be all right, though. Go on. I bet you have a lot of work. You're so important," Lavi tried to play on Komui's ego to get the other man off his back. He was making so much noise, scattering around Lenalee's dresses that he hardly noticed how all of a sudden the handle of the door rattled and then the door itself opened.

"Aha!" Komui screamed and he pointed an accusing finger at Lavi. "Try to impersonate my beloved little sister! Where's Lenalee? What have you done to her?"

Lavi threw the dress at hand at Komui. It provided just enough of a distraction for the youth to run out of the room. He dashed down the hall, mad thoughts running through his head. He was sure that he left Komui behind, but he had to find Allen and warn him that Lenalee's crazy brother would be out for blood. Why couldn't things turn out for the better?

Komui ripped the dress from his face, laughing manically. "The idiot. He'll lead me right to Lenalee and the poor devil who decided to take her out. I love you, my precious tracer," the man lovingly kissed the beeping remote that appeared in his hands. With a devilish smile on his face, Komui proceeded to erupt through Lenalee's door, into the hallway and away and beyond, following a scent like a blood hound.

Lavi ran tirelessly. His legs were as though made to run, perfect sprinting machines. He had only ten minutes before the concert ended and Allen would be in full view with Lenalee. He had merely ten minutes to come up with a plan to stop Komui, who was probably right behind him, flying on pure bitch power. Lavi really hated that guy this very moment when his lungs were set on fire.

There up ahead the lights of the opera house flickered. "Lenalee," Lavi screamed, diving into the thick of the crowd. Somehow, the girl heard him and her gloved hand rose over the heads of men and women. "Lavi," she sounded surprised when he reached them. The man panted, unable to speak for a few moments. "No… time… now," Lavi sputtered, his chest heaving. Allen seemed particularly alarmed. A moment ago he and Lenalee were enjoying perfect tranquility and now, some disturbing news were coming their way.

Lavi seemed to have gained his human speech back. "Komui found out. Go to the restaurant now. Run. Fucking run. He'll be here any moment, I'm sure," fiercely the red head hissed, pushing Allen away from the crowd and into the direction of the restaurant.

"I'll keep take care of everything. Just go." Lenalee eyed him uneasily, but took hold of Allen's hand and ran. Lavi breathed a sigh of relief as he slumped against the wall of the opera house. Lenalee and Allen disappeared soon enough, but Lavi's relief was short-lived. He heard the tell tale thumping of the gigantic robot, which only meant that Komui was hot on his trail. Lavi's heart jumped to his mouth and his swallowed it back. His legs didn't have time to turn back into flesh and bone and so, with unsettling ease, Lavi shifted back into gear and began running. Behind him, the man heard massive panic. Women screamed and children cried. Men scrambled and pointed in awe at the mechanical Titan on four legs. Komui danced on its head, pointing and grimacing. "I got you now. Come out, come out wherever you are," his voice boomed through the loud speaker.

Lavi ran for his dear life. Soon, he knew, he'd hit the edge of the town where the park started. He won't be able to lose Komui there, but at least, when he stood his ground against the robot, he'd have free range. No casualties in sight. Komui blindly followed the trace signal. He didn't care where he was going as long as at the end of that path was Lenalee. His protectiveness was in overdrive, as was the robot. It grunted, its metal gears squeaking. Komui disregarded the general commotion his entrance caused. He was of one mind and one goal: rid Lenalee of this dating threat.

He entered the clearing, which, upon analysis he recognized as the park. The man scowled. Down below, Komui could make out the small form of Lavi. He was holding the hammer. He was looking determined. "Where are they?" Komui roared, his finger hovering over the button that would surely mean all out battle royale in the next ten seconds.

"Never," Lavi screamed back. His hammer popped up, growing in size like mushroom in the rain. He barred his teeth and jumped. The robot reared, kicking its front legs. It too uttered a battle cry of grinding gears and groaning metal parts. Komui's eyes held a crazed light as he furiously pressed buttons on the control of his robot. Here Lavi flew from the left, but was only kicked back and slammed. The hammer swung to dent the robot's side. Staggering it jumped back and once again they locked in a combat neither knew he'd win. Trees toppled. Ground was upturned. And yet, the two were in the fury of battle, unable or maybe even unwilling to stop. The robot stood on three legs now. Lavi had a busted lip. Komui stared down at the exorcist. "Give up. I'm going to win," he threatened. Lavi smirked and stood his ground. They were stuck, unable to turn the fight to favor either one of them. No matter now often Komui pressed the buttons. No matter how many times Lavi swung, the odds remained the same. This was bound to drag.

And when Lavi was so sure that they would spend all night whacking at each other, the robot suddenly stopped. Komui stood, transfixed and daze, looking on at one side. Curious, Lavi rode his Hammer upward only to find the endearing sight he busted his lip for.

There, on the edge of the park's lake sat Allen and Lenalee. They were holding hands and talking. From the bird's eye view both Lavi and Komui could see the smiles on those tranquil faces. "Hmph," Komui uttered. "Yup. They were supposed to be in the restaurant," Lavi replied. "She looks happy," Komui admitted. They stayed this way for a while, just looking on at the other two.

"What do you say we go back to the Black Order and have a drink?" Lavi asked.

"Eh, might as well drown my sorrow in something," Komui agreed. "Might as well face the fact that Lenalee started dating."


	12. Evolution

Wow! Over 2000 views. That's way more than any of my stories (including DBAS) ever gots. I is on cloud nine.

* * *

Title: Evolution (Revised)

Genre: Comedy

Rating: T to M

Summary: Allen's Innocence turns him into a cat. LulubellxAllen

Requested by: azeroth5 ( wierdest request I ever got )

* * *

At first, it was strange, this thought that the Innocence evolved. What was there beyond what was already there? No one could quite tell and that what made this supposition both frightening and fascinating. But Allen decided to do something about it, as always. He had been noticing as of lately how his Innocence was getting into a habit of changing texture. They were subtle changes, but still, it made the youth wonder. What else could it do? Late in the evenings, he would sneak of the mess hall and run to the forest. There, Allen tested this new strange discovery. Soon, the youth found that not only could his cape of pure Innocence change textures, it could change colors too. If he concentrated hard enough, he could make little dots appear against the white of the cape. The more Allen practiced, the more elaborate designs he could create. It came to the point that he could very well make tiger stripes and even change the texture of the cape to resemble that of a pelt!

But Allen kept this discovery a secret. After all, he wasn't sure it was of any use yet and besides, he didn't want Komui pocking him and examining him just because he could change the color of his Innocence. It seemed terribly unnecessary. Allen wanted to stay needle free, thank you very much. He was getting so good at this, that at times the youth wondered if he could even use his Innocence to shape shift. Surely, the Innocence that could control his body could actually rearrange his very cell structure to resemble anyone or maybe even any_thing_.

The next few months were spent in exactly that, the search for a way to shape shift. But for all his concentration, Allen simply couldn't do it. Maybe there was a limit to Innocence's evolution after all. So defeated, Allen gave up the idea and nearly forgot about it all until one special afternoon, which the youth was sure to remember for the rest of his life.

It was no different day than the one before it. Allen just finished a mission by himself and was resting up in the hotel before traveling back to the Black Order. Growing hungry, the youth left his room and went down to the small restaurant on the first floor. And that was where all the trouble began. Allen ordered his meal and sat there at the table, quite content with himself. Suddenly, a cold shiver ran down his spine. He turned around in time to see both Road and Lulubell. Allen bit his lip. Oh no! What if they see him? He didn't want to endanger all those people. Allen closed his eyes, wishing as hard as he could that the earth swallowed him and he would disappear out of sight. He waited and waited for the inevitable discovery and then a fight, but none came. Allen cracked one eye open. Suddenly, he found Road all up in his grill.

"Awww, look how cute he is. What are you doing here, little guy?" the girl asked. Allen was dumbfounded. WHAT? Did she just say what he thought she did? This made absolutely no sense.

Lulubell sniffed. "It's just a mutt. Let it be."

Road pursed her lips. "Nonsense. He's too cute. Look at that white fur." And the girl reached out to touch his head. Fur? FUR?! Why was her hand this big. Why was the table so freaking huge. And why didn't Road and Lulubell didn't recognize him.

"If you want a cat, we can get a pure bred one," the older woman spoke dismissively. Allen watched the interchange with wide eyes. Road kept saying that he was cute and that they should take him with while Lulubell was strictly against it. "No. We don't need a cat." Road stumped her foot. "I want one," she said, picking Allen up. And then it hit the youth through the shock. He was a cat. He did it. He shape shifted. He was a freaking cat with a tail, whiskers, the works! Allen wanted to shout out in pure joy of discovery, but instead a loud meow left his throat. Road squeaked in delight. "I'm gonna name you Snowflake!" she said, hugging poor Allen to her skimpy chest.

"The Earl won't let you keep him," Lulubell said, but Road didn't seem to care anymore. They sat down at the table a moment ago the human version of Allen sat at. She settled the kitten on her lap and resolved to have a nice dinner with her new pet and co-worker. Lulubell shrugged. Fine, if the brat was gonna act this way, she would get all the blame for dragging some flee infested rag cat into their home.

Allen didn't know what to do. He couldn't change back; it would blow his cover, not to mention the fact that he wasn't sure how he was supposed to change back into a human anyway. So he sat there, paralyzed by fear and concern. The two women talked about this and that, shoes and humans and Tyki's hideous new tie.

The dinner soon drew to a close and Lulubell with Road were ready to leave. "I'm not taking it back to our room," the older one of the two said haughtily. Road hugged Allen to her chest. "Look at him. Just look at him. He's sooo… sooo. I just want to eat him up. He's the sweetest kitten ever." Lulubell rolled her eyes but apparently, there was no way to change Road's mind. Allen was stuck with them.

Road held on to him as though he was made of gold and kept exclaiming just how precious he was. It was getting old and fast. Lulubell broke from the pack and was already few steps ahead. Something was bothering her. It wasn't that she didn't think that the kitten was adorable, because he really was, but that Road at once took possession of him. That wasn't right. Cats had no real master, or mistress as was in this instant. And the little guy didn't even seem to fight it. Either he was too stunned to resist or he was just too stupid to do it. Lulubell hated to admit it, but few hours have already passed since they first picked up this 'Snowball'. Shock should have worn away by now. Most likely, there wasn't much behind that cute little face of his. Oh well. Now all cats were created equal. Still….

They arrived to the hotel soon enough. It wasn't the shabby little inn with great food that Allen stayed in. Oh no, this was luxury at its best. Apparently, it paid to be part of the Noah clan. Allen was set on one of the beds. "Sorry, Snowball," Road said. "I don't have a bed for you yet, so you're going to sleep with me tonight!" Allen's heart nearly stopped. WHAT? Holding the cover wasn't worth this. He'd gladly turn into a human now, if only to avoid spending the night next to Road. Ew. No. He did not like that girl at all. Or any of the Noahs for that matter. They were mortal enemies. Mortal. MORTAL. Allen tried to make a run for it, but Road caught him into her arms. "I know. I know. We'll get you your own bed tomorrow. And a little collar. Won't he look adorable in a collar?" Lulubell shrugged. "I'm taking a shower," the woman said.

Road remained with Snowball, although Allen would have much rather have the girl leave. He needed to get out and soon was be the more favorable time. No matter how much he scrambled for freedom, Road would catch him, laughing, and exclaiming something about him being feisty. That was the last adjective in the world he wanted to be called by this girl. Lulubell came out of the bathroom. Finally relief. Road gathered her things and left for the bathroom. Just when Allen thought the worst of his evening had past, Lulubell started changing. Right in front of him.

Allen ran for the door. No more. He couldn't take this torture anymore. "I knew you wouldn't want to stay," Lulubell spoke. The cat was afraid to glance back. He did not want to see his mortal enemy in barely anything. He would never be able to take her seriously after that. Lulubell squared him with her gaze. "Guess you're not so dumb after all." Allen hissed. Dumb? He? How dare she! Fur stood on end and his tail was straight as a pipe. He continued to hiss, baring his little fangs as the woman simply laughed. "There, there, _Snowball_. I didn't mean to offend you at all."

Lulubell leaned down, picking up the angry kitten. Allen tried to glance away, but it was rather hard when he was pressed to the woman's chest. "You're sleeping in my bed tonight. I don't trust Road. She rolls around too much. She might actually squish you," the Noah spoke in a sing-song tone. Allen's stomach sank. From bad to worse. Suddenly, sleeping in the same bed with Road seemed like a mighty fine idea. But no one was apparently asking for his opinion. He was set on Lulubell's bed and the woman finished changing. Allen closed his eyes. If he could blush as a cat, he would have been one pink kitten instead of pure white.

Road came out of the bathroom in time to see Lulubell snuggling up next to miserable looking Snowball. "Hey, he's sleeping with me," the girl said, putting hands on her hips. "Seniority, kid. Go to bed," Lulubell waved her aside and closed her eyes. Road huffed and puffed and muttered profanities but didn't dare to challenge Lulubell. She wasn't a complete push over like Tyki.

Before Allen knew it, the lights were gone and the woman's hand pushed him closer to her under the covers. Damn it. He couldn't run away now. The doors were locked as were the windows, not to mention that the woman had him pinned down. This was the most frustrating situation he had ever been in. Not only was he a cat but he was now a Noah pet. Could life get any worse? Allen felt lips press against the back of his head. "Night, kitten," Lulubell mumbled to him. Allen shuddered. Alas, there was nothing he could do but wait 'til the morning for the opportunity to run away. It would be a long long night, but his eye lids were already feeling rather heavy. He yawned once. This bed was rather comfy and he was so warm. Allen yawned once again and was gone into the world of dreams.

Something woke him up. It was a touch to the skin of his shoulder. Wait. His shoulder! No more fur. Allen was afraid to open his eyes and be disappointed by the fact that he was still a cat. He waited few moments, analyzing the feeling of fingers running up and down his forearm and shoulder. Then, with held breathe, the youth opened his eyes. He really was back into his human form again! But the feeling of excitement didn't last long. Soon, too soon, Allen realized that he was in Lulubell's arms and the woman was awake. "I knew you were really a human," she whispered, glancing him over. Was it dark enough for her not to recognize him? "Cats can't really understand human language as well as you did," the woman continued. It was her hand that continued stroking his shoulder. "What's your real name, Snowball?" she asked, arching a brow. Allen panicked. She figured out that he was really human. But there was some good news in this. She didn't seem to recognize him as Allen Walker. Thank you the dark.

"Umm, Daniel," Allen lied, purposefully lowering his voice. Lulubell chuckled. "And _I'm _Lulubell," she whispered. Allen's stomach sank. That wasn't just any regular whisper. It was _that_ sort of whisper that Lavi told him about. Allen felt the urge to get out of the room right this second, but his body was not responding to his thoughts at all. The woman bowed her head, catching Allen's lips with her own. The youth's breath hitched. No, no, this was all wrong. He should get out now before the woman recognizes him. She pushed her tongue past his lips without so much as a hint of asking for permission. It was obvious that she thought that Allen or Daniel or whoever the hell he was belonged to her. She gripped his hand and placed it on her own rear. The Noah of Lust in her was playing out. Allen was sweating. He was frightened like he hadn't ever been before. This was all new. This was all wrong.

Lulubell pulled away after sufficiently satisfying her need for exploration. She liked the way this guy tasted. The woman smirked. "C'mon. Don't be scared. I don't bite." Her hands traveled down his chest, gripping onto the belt of his trousers. Allen's eyes bulged as he felt those same fingers fiddle with his zipper. "Much," the woman breathed.

That was the hair that broke the camel's back. Allen shot out of the bed like a bullet. His trousers fell, pooling around his ankles but that hardly seemed to stop him. The youth ran for the door and by the time Lulubell realized what exactly just happened, Allen was halfway down the hall and pulling up his pants in the process.

The next day, Allen was back in the Black Order. Lavi greeted the other at the door, since well, he was curious about everything, the mission included. "Hey, so how did it go?" the red head asked, grinning from ear to ear. "Shut up," Allen barked and shouldered past the other.

"Sheesh, you don't have to be so cattish."


	13. Dirty Little Coma

I know, I know. It's been a long time. I'm sorry for not updating more. My seminar teacher crushed my HUGE ego when it came to writing. You know how long it takes to glue the pieces together? Anyways, you are free to request once again whatever your little hearts desire.

Your wish is my command.

* * *

Title: Dirty Little Coma

Rating: M for suggestion of LANGUAGE

Genre: Crack/Romance

Summary: Allen's snooping leads to nothing good. As always. LavixKanda

Requested by: Yukanda6

* * *

"Yuuuu-chan."

Kanda shuddered. Jesus Christ! How many times did he have to tell Lavi not to call him that?Especially in front of people. Sure, when they were alone, it was kinda…hot, but not when Allen was present, snickering at him. The red head was so dead, but in the face of this fact Lavi only laughed.

"Your face is priceless," the red head taunted as he pointed to Kanda's soured features. But those smiles were wiped away soon enough.

The moment Kanda's hand twitched to rest on the hilt of his sword, Lavi's face paled.

"Oh c'mon, I was just kidding. Kanda? Kanda?!"

Allen dully noted the note of hysteria in Lavi's voice when the cold metal made its appearance on the stage. But the red head didn't stick around long enough to see the rest of blade, but was gone down the hallways, around the corner and most surely covering in the library under theology books by the time the tip was out. Oh well, this happened as though scheduled: every morning after breakfast before Kanda disappeared off into the woods and Lavi stuck his nose in those same theology books.

Allen turned to glance at Kanda, who was still steaming mad. Actually, none of this really made sense in the long run. Why was the samurai so irritated that Lavi addressed him by his first name? It made Walker ponder as he watched Kanda slowly regain his usual morbid composure, turn around and leave without saying a goodbye. Hm, curious. Allen had a feeling there was something more to this than met the eye. Time for some good old fashion snooping around. Hey, he had the time and frankly there wasn't much to do around the Black Order, except for work. But who wanted to do work? So snooping it was!

The next morning, Allen woke up bright and early. He gorged himself during breakfast and sneaked upstairs to stand guard by Lavi's door. Why Lavi? Well, he was safer in a way than Kanda. He didn't wield a sword and he didn't have the short temper than the samurai did. So Lavi it was. When the clock's hand hit ten, the doors to the red head's room opened. Disappointed, Allen found absolutely nothing peculiar about that. Guess he'd have to start following Lavi around.

But after four hours of slithering from shadow to shadow, from corner to corner, Allen was damn ready to give up. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe there was nothing strange happening which involved both Kanda and Lavi. The red head spend his whole four hours in the library buried in books. Allen's stomach grumbled. Yup, time to give up. But just when the youth thought to turn around and sneak away to the cafeteria, he heard a door open and close. Curious. The Bookman was away on some mission and rarely anyone wondered into the library by accident. It was understandable then why Walker's curiosity was peaked.

Like a cat, Allen's eyes narrowed in delight as he looked through the stack of books. His vision was narrow. Still, through his peephole in the books Allen could clearly see Lavi sitting on the couch and reading. Suddenly, someone's behind blocked his line of vision. All that Allen could make out now were leather pants, but that meant absolute nothing. Leather was extremely popular in the Black Order.

"Oh, hey." Allen heard Lavi murmur in a very unfamiliar tone. There was no answer on the part of the other person, but he heard giggles. Lavi again? Allen was entirely confused. Then, came slight whispers. That had to be the unknown visitor. Lavi's voice rose higher, carried well. "I didn't mean to. It slips out every time I see you." More whispering.

Oh, Allen couldn't take it anymore. He had to hear what the other person was saying. He had to know who the other person was. Allen leaned closer to the books and closer and closer. Still, he couldn't hear and his line of vision hardly improved. The youth leaned in closer without realizing that the stack of books he was hiding behind began to tip. It swayed to and fro, wagging in the air, but what broke the camel's back was ultimately Allen's surprise. Once he noticed that the books were on the move, he scrambled to steady them. All in vain. The moment his jittery hands touched the top tom, the tower came down with Allen cursing loudly. He found himself plastered on top of a pile of books. His eyes slowly, guiltily moved from the floor up to Lavi ….and the mystery person.

When Allen woke up, he could hear light snores next to him. He turned his aching head to see Lenalee with her head bowed and eyes tightly shut. Strange. What would Lenalee be doing in his room? But when Allen looked around, in the semi darkness he hardly recognized the place. No, this wasn't his room, but it had the distinct stank of medicine. Medical wing? Now why in the world would he be in one of the beds of the medical wing and why in the world did his head feel like it was about to implode and then explode? Allen stirred, resting his clammy palm on his forehead. This was awful. He couldn't remember why he was in this room for the life of him. Allen hadn't been on a mission for weeks. All he could remember was this morning's magnificent feast for breakfast. The question that bothered him was of course, what happened after? Perhaps there was an attack on the headquarters. But, when Allen's gray eyes ran over Lenalee's sleeping form, she seemed perfectly fine. Not a scratch on her.

Now Allen was even more confused than before. All right, so it wasn't a Noah attack. Still, it was hardly normal for healthy young men to lose their memory at random. Maybe all those years of being slammed against the wall finally began to take their toll. Allen cradled his aching head between his hands. He moaned in despair. The nurse had to be here somewhere close by. This headache was murder. The youth couldn't take it for too long, all these unanswered question plus his physical pain, and reached out to nudge Lenalee. The girl woke with a start, starring at Allen with big big eyes.

"You're awake," bewildered Lenalee said. Then, her face broke into happy smiles and she clapped her hands with glee. "Oh, you're awake. That's so wonderful. Every one was convinced you'll be out for another couple days."

"Couples days?" Allen arched a brow. He couldn't have been out for more than few hours.

"Oh yes, you've been in a coma, Allen," gravely the girl spoke. Now it was Allen's turn to stare. Lenalee had such a wild imagination.

"No,no, it couldn't have been more than say four hours."

Lenalee rose to her feet, hands on her hips. "Don't argue with me. You were out cold for three days. The nurse said you were in a coma. Are you going to tell me that the nurse was wrong?"

Allen shook his head. Every one knew it was better not to cross the nurse, not if you wanted to see another day. "How did," he paused, rubbing his forehead. "-how did I end up in a coma? The Order was not attacked, right?"

The girl shook her head. No, just as Allen figured, the castle was perfectly untouched. "Most likely it was a coma due to extreme shock. You must have seen something so terrifying that your brain simply couldn't cope with it and it shut itself off," Lenalee explained, concern streaked on her features. She reached out to pet Allen's hair. "I don't envy you. Whatever it was, I pray no one else has to witness it. I mean, we deal with Akuma on regular basis and they're not exactly Ms. Universe material."

Allen had to agree with that. Still, it made him all the more concerned. He couldn't remember what he had seen. That meant that others were in danger because he didn't know what he was supposed to warn them of. It could be anything. Maybe it was an extra ugly Akuma or maybe it was a Noah. The Black Order members were in grave danger. Allen racked his brains, but by God, nothing came up. Lenalee, though disappointed, told the youth to rest. They'll start the search for the monstrosity the next morning.

Allen headed the search. They went through the towers first, but found absolutely nothing. Then came the fourth floor and the third and the second. They checked the science department and the medical wing. They even looked under the piles of papers in Komui's office. But all in vain. By mid break, the search party was tired and disappointed, but mostly hungry. And so empty handed as they were, the whole lot of the Black Order members went into the cafeteria to eat. Allen slumped into the seat amidst the mountains of food. On the other side sat gloomy Lenalee. She too was terribly worried about the welfare of the Order what with some monstrosity running around.

Suddenly, Lavi sat down at the table. Only now did Lenalee and Allen both realize that they haven't seen the red head the entire morning. Where was he? And what were those red marks peeking from under the scarf? Few minutes later came Kanda, who set his tray calmly on the table as though the other three didn't exist at all. Prick.

"I don't understand why we can't find it," Allen whined. He was so depressed that he could hardly take a bite. Lenalee petted his shoulder.

"It's not your fault that you can't remember, Allen. I mean, it must have been so…horrifying."

"It was probably disgusting as well. You know I don't stomach well anything disgusting," the boy nodded in agreement. Kanda's chopsticks hovered over the food and the young man turned dangerous eyes towards the white mop of hair.

"Yes, yes. I bet… I bet it was some ugly Akuma," Lenalee added.

"No, it was probably a Noah…..Road? Yeah, it was probably Road trying to break in, only she was in her 'true' form."

Lenalee snorted a laugh. "What if it was the cook doing his daily kickboxing....in shorts?"

"Or Kanda _smiling_," Lavi added with a grin. Hey, he wanted to be part of his discussion as well. The chopsticks cracked.

Bewildered, Allen and Lenalee turned their eyes to steaming Kanda. Hey, what was his problem? It was only harmless teasing.

"Shut. Up," Kanda hissed. With a wave of his hand, the tray came flying down the table. Lavi paled at once. "Calm down, Kanda. You're going to do something that you might regret later." The samurai threw the red head one angry stare before he simply jumped on the table.

"Listen to me, you idiots. There is no Akuma or a Noah on the loose," Kanda roared so that entire cafeteria would hear him. "You wanna know what Allen saw that day? You _really_ wanna know?"

Most nearly every one grew deathly quiet, waiting for the truth.

"I, Yu Kanda, kissed Lavi. I love that son of a bitch." He pointed toward a cowering under the table red head. Sheepishly Lavi smiled when his name was called out waving apologetically to the audience.

"Oh," Lenalee managed to say. She was stunned for a moment or two before she turned to give a slap to the back of Allen's head.

"You freaking homophobe. You went into coma because you saw them kiss?"


	14. Road Trip

Yeah, so I'm on winter break now. And guess what? I have time to write all the fan fictions in the world. In other words, feel free to request whatever your little earts desire.

* * *

Title: Road Trip

Genre: Comedy

Rating: T to M

Summary: The gang has a mission to retrieve innocence in Canada. But Komui has other plans for this trip

Requested by: Kayday

FYI: I know absolutely nothing about Canada. Don't hate me because I'm ignorant.

* * *

"Now why in the world are we going to Canada?" Kanda asked, crossing arms across his chest. Outside, it was snowing but that was to be expected since it was the middle of December and these parts of the country were especially snowy during winter.

"There was a sighting of ghost moose," Lavi eagerly offered. His face was glued to the window of the carriage but he was willing to unstick himself long enough to answer the brooding samurai.

"I get that, but why couldn't the South American branch do it? It was closer for them to go up one country than for us to swim overseas," the raven wouldn't stop grumbling. First of all, he wasn't a fan of cold. Second of all, snow was a complete bother. Sword fighting and snow just didn't mix well. Not only did it slow Kanda down, but it also obscured his vision. And as everyone in that carriage knew, one false step could mean death when fighting an Akuma and especially a Noah.

"Apparently, they couldn't get across the border into the States," Allen decided to add. Lenalee nodded. "So Nii-san thought that we would be closer than the Asian branch."

"No, we're not closer. I'll tell you why we're here. The bastard just wanted to make a vacation out of this," mumbled Kanda and sank further into his warm coat. Damn cold. Damn snow. Damn Komui. Next time he would see the man, he would strangle him with his gloved hands. Gloved.

* * *

Komui sneezed. "Are you all right, Supervisor?" Reever asked.

"Yeah, it's just the cold, is all. Unless," his voice trailed off. He glanced in the general direction of the second carriage. Nuh, Kanda couldn't possibly be that peeved, could he?

"We wouldn't want you to get sick, not when you have so much work to do," Reever sent 'the look', which Komui promptly ignored. "C'mon. We're here on va… mission. Yeah, mission. There's no time for paper work," the Supervisor declared. He jumped to his feet, suddenly full of energy. "Can't you smell the danger?"

"No, but I can smell something else."

"Can't you feel the tingle of fear?"

"I'm just cold."

"What about the sense of adventure. Around any corner can be an Akuma." He laughed heartily.

"You're just trying to change the subject," Reever accused the other man. He threw an indignant glance at the section leader but sat down. He was caught. Guess there was no way to escape the paperwork even in this snowy wonderland.

They've passed the border long ago and headed further north. Lenalee and Allen dozed off, but Lavi and Kanda stayed put. After all, there could be Akuma attacks at any moment. They could have played cards, but both were afraid that the very smell of paper would wake Allen and neither one of them wanted to part ways with his money. It was better to be bored with a little cash than entertained and penniless.

Lenalee steered. She yawned and stretched before giving the two boys a smile. "What did I miss?" she asked. The two shrugged. Allen snored once and turned over in his seat to lie down. "Nothing really," Lavi said.

The girl glanced outside. "Pretty, isn't it?" she said wistfully. "It's hard to imagine that this countryside is terrorized by some phantom moose," Lenalee giggled.

"I wouldn't be laughing if I were you," Lavi's voice dropped and horrible stoic expression set on his face. "He was said to be as big as a house and his call shakes the very earth."

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Oh jeez, you're trying to tell a scary story, eh eye-patch?"

"Shut it, Yu. Or should I say," Lavi paused to clear his throat. "Yuuuu-chan," and he batted his lashed innocently. Kanda's eye twitched. If the compartment of the carriage wasn't so small, Lavi would have been a dead man. Hey, why did they get the smaller of the two carriages? Damn Komui.

"Anyway, it comes only in the dead of the night and it leaves upturned trees and smashed in houses," Lavi decided to continue since Kanda was too busy now grumbling under his breath something about the supervisor using a mission as a vacation and Lavi getting on his nerves.

"How do they know that it's a moose?" wide eyed Lenalee asked.

"It leaves hoof prints the size of two plates."

Allen steered. "Is it lunch yet? I heard the word 'plates'."

* * *

The little town shimmered in the distance. It was tucked away from the rest of civilization, settled among tall trees. Both Lenalee and Lavi were aching for a better look. Of course their reasons were entirely different. Lenalee wanted to see the village, since she had never been to Canada before. Lavi wanted to check if the rumors about hot Canadian chicks were true or not. So far, all he could spot were a few old men, trees, and a lazy dog. What a bummer.

Allen was still asleep. After he woke up thinking that there would finally be food, he went back to sleep, sourly disappointed. Well, if there wasn't going to be lunch, why mention plates? Lavi was just too cruel. Kanda too dozed off eventually, although even in his sleep he seemed to be mumbling threats to either Komui or Lavi or snow. It was rather hard to tell.

The carriage stopped and Lavi shot out like a bullet. Under his boots the snow crunched and like a little kid, the red head pranced around, enjoying the squeaky snow. Surely all this noise would attract some women. They were bound to react to sound. Lenalee stepped out as well. She glanced around before daintily stepping into the snow. Hopefully, this mission wouldn't ruin her boots. She already had to compromise one part of her usual uniform. Miniskirts and cold weather mixed almost as well as sword fighting and snow.

Allen snorted. "What? We there? Food?" he mumbled. Lazily he rolled on his side and his head landed on something. Mm, that something was really warm and soft. He clung to this source of warmth, not really feeling like opening his eyes. Lavi's head popped into the carriage. "I'm sorry to interrupt this spooning session, but we have to settle in at the inn," the red head said, wiggling his eye brows. Spooning session? What the hell was Lavi talking about? Allen wondered. The boy opened his eyes, but didn't see anything except for black leather. Fearfully Allen raised his head and froze.

Lenalee shuddered when she heard a blood curdling scream and a moment later Allen was out of the carriage and running for his dear life. "Come back here, bean sprout," Kanda screamed, sword drawn. "No guy shoves his face in my crotch and gets away with it."

Reever slapped himself on the forehead and Komui merely grinned. "See, this is why I don't have a problem with Lenalee going on missions with Kanda and Allen. Those two can't keep their hands off of each other." The section leader was about to correct Komui, but thought it was a lost cause. "Let's get the paperwork out. You need to get started on it very very soon," Reever said, but before he even finished a sentence, Komui was nowhere to be found. Well, to be more precise, he was nowhere to be found around the carriages but was hallway to the inn, talking to Lenalee. Reever glanced over to Lavi, who looked back and shrugged. Looked like only the two of them were left to carry all that damn baggage into the inn. If this was a vacation, it felt more like a mission already, Reever decided.

* * *

The exorcists sat in the tiny commons room of the inn. Reever went to sleep promptly at nine. He spent the entire time chasing after Komui with a pile of papers. It was amusing for the first hour or so, but then, even the exorcist grew tired of this never ending hunt. But the chase did end, kind of. Komui hid somewhere so well that Reever gave up and went to bed. It was close to twelve and still Komui wasn't there. Lenalee hoped her brother didn't get stuck in the chimney or something. It was snowing viciously outside.

Lavi sat gloomy in the corner. He hadn't seen one hot chick yet. Kanda was always in a sour mood and there was absolutely no change, except that he was polishing his sword. Allen held his bandaged head gingerly, sending glares at Kanda every once in a while. The samurai didn't have to be so vicious. Besides, what happened to the code of honor, no hitting a foe on the ground? Jerk.

Lenalee sat by the window reading. All right, this was a pretty lax setting, even though the moose was due to come any moment. Lavi sighed. "Where are all the chicks? Where are they? The only things close to a girl in this place are Lenalee and Kanda. And Lenalee is off limits," the red head mumbled. Kanda flashed a deathly glare as if to say 'don't get any ideas' and Allen involuntarily shuddered.

Lenalee glanced up from her book, smiling. "I'm sure you'll find one tomorrow. This mission sounds easy enou-" She didn't finish the sentence because the entire inn shook. A great bellow of a giant beast rang in their ears. It was time. Lanelee sprang to her feet, but Lavi was already halfway down the hall, heading for the front door. The inn owner quivered in the corner, wide eyed watching the three teens run outside into the blizzard.

Lavi stood, hammer in hand, and a steely eye turned to the mammoth shadow. They could barely make out their foe, except for the giant black blur. "There it is," Lenalee breathed. Allen's hands clenched into fists, a deep breath, and he was off. Lenalee followed the white-haired youth, catching up to him step after step but Lavi lingered. He glanced around but still, he couldn't see where Kanda was. Did he stay inside? There was no time for that. What the hell was Kanda thinking? The creature bellowed once again, deafening Lavi. Through the snow, the red head could almost make out the dashing figures of Lenalee and Allen. They danced around the giant shadow, bashing it and jumping away before the pillar like legs fell down on them. There, Lenalee shot into the air and Allen's belt twisted around the thick neck. How strange, Lavi noted, this moose had no antlers.

The shadow sidestepped and crashed into a house, shaking its head to rid itself of the belts. The night air filled with splintering wood and short cries from Lenalee and Allen. Lavi moved. He couldn't wait for Kanda any longer. But before the red head could make a step, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Make your hammer grow and smash it upside the head," Kanda spoke quietly. Lavi nodded. Something in the samurai's voice assured the red head that he knew what he was talking about.

Lavi ran and the hammer exploded in size in his hands. He swung once and before Allen released the tearing belts from the creature's neck, the hammer connected with the head of the phantom. And what followed then, shocked all but Kanda. Instead of the thickening crack of metal against bone or perhaps Lavi's hammer just swinging through, came a clear gong. Allen froze on the spot and Lenalee landed in the soft snow with a light thump. Lavi's brow furrowed. What the hell? From the sound of it, the phantom moose was supposed to be made of….

"Metal," Kanda called out smirking, as though he read Lavi's mind. "There's no such thing as a phantom moose," the samurai continued as he closed the distance between himself and Lavi.

"What do you mean? What is it then?"

Without a word, Kanda leapt up to land on the head of the still creature. Since the gong, it stood stock still as though it was as stunned by this development as the exorcists. Kanda knelt down and rapped his gloved knuckles against the top of the creature's head.

"Komui, the gig is up. You can come out now."

* * *

An hour later the four exorcists sat in the room, surrounding a very sheepish Komui.

"So this whole time the phantom moose was YOUR Komui robot thing?" Allen burst out, pointing accusing finger at the supervisor.

"Exactly," Kanda decided to answer instead of letting Komui explain himself. "He sent one of his robots to the South American branch. At least that's what he told Reever. And I suppose it was going to end up in South American branch if the robot didn't prematurely activate itself. Remote distance controls, eh? It followed the programmed coordinates and ended up right here, in a small Canadian village, far away from a big city, where it could become a legend of the phantom moose. If course, the story would attract attention of the Black Order. And here we are."

"But why?" Lanalee asked, glancing at her brother, who was bright red.

"I know why. I kept telling you this from the beginning. The bastard wanted a vacation!" triumphantly Kanda shot.

Komui shrugged. "Hey, I need a break too. Now let's keep this a secret from Reever. We still have two days to find hot Canadian chicks."

"Amen," Lavi agreed. Hot chicks were worth fooling Reever AND bitching Kanda any day.


End file.
